And the bears and the bats and the balls...A Dex/Kane ficlet

So, stories-- even short ones come from a couple of places.

This one comes from a moment at Coastal Magic where Lisa Kessler and her friend talked about how bears and fruit bats can auto-fellate themselves. 0.0

And it also came from a moment on Friday, when Squishie had me remind her to bring her Valentines to school. Because I'd remembered to GET the Valentines, and remembered to have her BRING the Valentines, but in a house where Valentines Day was like Second Christmas, I had neglected to buy so much as A CARD or piece of chocolate for my youngest children.

Oh holy crap--can you imagine the panic?

I've got stuff in the car now, and there shall be gifts tomorrow, but I'm saying.

I almost dropped a load in my shorts--and more importantly, I almost dropped a PARENTING BALL. I figured Dex might know how I felt.


***

"Hey, Dexter, check this out!"

It was Dex's turn to make dinner, and he was doing a complicated Thai fusion thing so he took a deep breath, added his last ingredient, and set the vegetables on simmer.  "Coming!" he sang, and was not reassured by Kane's low, dirty chuckle.

"Yeah," Kane said with satisfaction. "So's this guy."

Dexter looked at the picture on the computer screen. "Holy God," he said. He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose, and then opened them again. "Is that a..."

"A bear giving himself head?" Kane nodded. "Yeah-- when I saw the caption, I was thinking big hairy guys-- I wondered why that would be in the Huffington Post."

"I'm wondering why this is," Dex grumbled. Animal peen. Jesus fucking Christ--after the debacle before Christmas with the teacher and the picture of the turtle giving flowers, he was just about fucking done with animal peen.

"I don't know, but apparently they give each other head, too." Kane chuckled again, the rumbly, filthy sound doing promising things to Dex's libido. "And they're not the only animals who do oral.  See?"

"Fruit bats," Dex said flatly. His would-be boner wilted in his shorts. "Fruit bats give oral."

"Yeah, but usually only het."  Kane's magic chuckle was apparently unbeatable, because it was working again. "Fruit-bat-fuckers don't know what they' re missing.

"I would have to agree with that," Dex nodded, and then something in the corner of the screen caught his eye. "Wait-- what is that?"  Oh God.

"What-- the clickbait?"

"No--the red thing!" Oh hell. Oh no. What day was it! No. No no no no no...  Dex pulled out his phone. "Oh shit! Valentines Day is tomorrow?"

"Yeah-- you remember. I helped Frances make Valentines for her class on Thursday?"

"I worked late," Dex said numbly. "I worked late Thursday, and you got her Friday and we went to the park today and..."   Oh God. Dex had always been the good kid--the kid who'd done his homework and had his paperwork in early and... Oh God oh God oh God... He put his hand to his chest and tried to fight off a ten-elephant anxiety attack.  "Valentines Day is tomorrow?"  He ran to dinner and checked on it and then ran back to where Kane was sitting because the big Goober was sitting on the chair with his jacket on it.  He tugged at it, babbling the entire time. "Jesus, Kane, get up. We need... you know, stuff. For Frances. For... for..." For you, you big goombah! "For Valentines Day! For... flowers and chocolate... there's a protocol. She'll be crushed, she needs happy!  For the love of God, Carlos, let me have my jacket so I can go be the grown up and buy our kid some fuckin' happy!"

Kane stood up and grabbed his shoulders, turning him around and shaking him gently. Which, with Kane's mass and strength, meant he was just a hair short of rattling Dex's teeth in his head.

"Dexter," he said firmly.

"Still here," Dex said, body vibrating with the need to go out and fix it. 

"I got Frances happy shit. Don't sweat it. Stuffed animal, card, chocolate, all from the both of us. She'll be fine."

Dee's panic decreased by the weight of exactly six elephants. "But... but Kane," he said, feeling the failure acutely. "I didn't get anything for you."

Kane's fingers stopped biting into his biceps, and the hand that cupped his cheek was exquisitely tender.  "Dexter."  He pulled Dex in and kissed his forehead. "Look at us," he said. He wrapped his arms around Dex's shoulders, applying an outstanding amount of pressure, forcing Dex to relax against his chest and easing the electric wire that had been shoved up his spine with the realization that of all the balls he and Kane had dangling in the air, he had almost dropped one.

"I'm looking," Dex said, feeling miserable. "I'm looking at how much time I've been at work this month, and how long it's been since we've been to the park. I'm looking at that glop I've got on the stove and how we'll probably end up feeding Frances chicken soup again. I'm looking at the fact that you've got work and school and you cleaned the house for the last two weeks and--"

"Sh..."  Kane nuzzled his temple. "Stop. I'm looking at a guy working a sixty-hour work week so he can rehabilitate old porn models into upstanding citizens. And the same guy took me and my niece and made us a family, and gave us a home and keeps us eating good and remembers to send me out for school supplies so our kid doesn't look like the dumb one in school. You got busy. I seen it. You stay up late, you come to bed, I nail you to the mattress and you get up when you think I'm asleep and do that one last thing. You fall asleep when you're reading to Frances, and you cut your workout in half so you can work with the guys individually and train them to do what you're doing, so this business can grow and you can have more time. I get it, Dexter. You're fuckin' busy."

"I dropped the ball," Dex said miserably. "And I"m gonna get fat."

"Naw-- you lost weight, I think, cause you ain't eating right. And it's okay if you dropped a ball, cause that's what I"m here for. I caught it."

Suddenly Dex felt every minute of the last crazy busy month, and most of those minutes had been missed sleep as he tried to cram too much activity into too little time. "I'm so tired," he confessed into the sudden quiet. Behind them, on the stove, a suspiciously unappetizing smell began to waft.  "And I don't want to eat the crap in the pot."

"Deal," Kane said with feeling. "Here. You go throw that shit away, I'll get Frances's coat-- we're going out tonight."

Chili's was not exactly a romantic getaway, but the tables had the little computer screen with the kids games, and Kane and Dex pretty much giggled their way through the healthy choice menu while catching up on each other's week. When they were done, they stopped for frozen yogurt and Frances fell asleep in the back of the car on the way home.

"Dexter," Kane said, sounding competent and in charge from behind the wheel.

"Yeah?"

"When we get home, I'm gonna put Frances to bed, and I need you to do me a favor."

"Yeah, sure."  God, he felt relaxed. It was like he'd had those elephants on his chest for a month and hadn't felt them until just that moment when he thought he'd totally fucked up.

"I need you to not go to your computer. I've got like, twelve hours of good TV taped--your TV. Come sit with me and watch it, okay?"

Oh man--Dex's eyes burned. "Yeah," he said softly. "That's a deal."

He fell asleep in the middle of The X-Files which was too bad, because he loved the reboot and wanted to catch up on all the eps before it went off the air.  All he knew was that one minute Mulder was looking rumpled and attractive in a middle-aged man way and Scully was looking regal and amazing, and the next minute?

He was lying on his back in bed while Kane engulfed his cock with one hot swoop of his mouth at the same time he breached Dex's ass with two spit-slackened fingers.

"Whoa!" Dex flailed, trying to remember walking down the hallway or getting undressed or even foreplay, because there must have been some-- Kane got off kissing his body, and shit did not just start where they were right now!

He pounded the bed with his fists, his brain a kaleidoscope of compressing images while his body coiled itself to launch.  "Oh God!" he managed. "Blast off in three--"

He didn't get to two or one, because Kane was suddenly up and inside of him, his cock already dripping with slick, Dex's legs straight up in the air and spread just enough to wrap his calves around Kane's shoulders. Everything inside Dex's head exploded in fireworks and it was a good thing his eyes were closed because he felt the smatter of his own come splat across his chest and face--and Kane didn't stop. Pound pound pound--Dex began to plead, incoherent nonsense, all of his skin alight and on fire for Kane's girth, stretching him, filling him, pounding his prostate into jelly.

Oh God--oh damn-- his entire body rippled, clenching until his stomach muscles ached, as a dry orgasm wrung him until he was limp sinew and brittle bone, and as he melted into the mattress, Kane grunted, a primitive, earthy sound, and spilled into Dex's body.  He dropped Dex's legs and fell on top of him, their gruff pants loud in the sudden silence.

"Oh my God," Dex breathed, still in shock from having sex while he was deeply asleep. "That was..."

"Fucking amazing," Kane said smugly. "Don't lie."

"Wasn't gonna. No brain cells to lie."

They were still joined, and he felt Kane's grumble deep in his ass, but he didn't even have the strength to giggle.

"Seriously," he said, falling asleep even with Kane's body on top of his. "I can't imagine life not loving you."

"Aw, dammit Dexter."  Kane nuzzled his ear. "This was supposed to be my gift to you."

"The sex?" Sex mumbled. "That's great. But all of you--even better."

He fell asleep knowing that in his stomach.

*  *  *

The next morning Dex slid out of bed quietly and dressed, comforted by the fact that Kane's window-rattling snores didn't even lessen in decibel. He pattered out to the living room where he found Frances cuddled on the couch, asleep next to the giant pink bunny that Kane had apparently laid out for her.  He pulled the couch afghan up to her chin and kissed her forehead.  Go, Uncle Kane--way to catch the parenting ball.

Her snores didn't lessen in decibel either as he slipped out into the morning.

He got back before either of them knew he'd been gone, and when Kane thumped across the floorboards in his boxer shorts and a T-shirt, the hot chocolate was warm and ready and the doughnuts were arranged on a plate on the table.

"Aw, Dexter!" Kane yawned. "Lookit you! A night out, a little nookie, you're Captain Family again!"

.Dex turned from the stove and stepped right up to Kane's bed-warmed space, resting his head on a broad, muscular shoulder. "I can be anyone you need," he said sincerely. "As long as you just keep catching my balls." Oh hell.

Kane's deep rumbly sexy-as-fuck chuckle vibrated right in his groin. "I will catch your balls any time, Dexter. Any fuckin' time."