Thursday, April 9, 2015
Watch as I distract you all with pretty and music...
Okay-- I'll admit it.
I don't like to ask for help. I think it sort of stems from parents who weren't great at responding-- I remember feeling stupid a lot, and like if I didn't have it nailed down I was hyper-deficient in all things. I was one of those kids who got flustered easily--and I still sort of loathe asking for favors. I've overtipped a lot of servers because ordering the whatever caught on fire that day was my problem and let a lot of car servicemen intimidate me, because somehow choosing a Dodge Caravan and having a broken air conditioner had to be my fault, and not being able to fix that was a moral failing.
I know I try really hard not to put my kids in that position. They ask me for help, for advice, for guidance, and I don't shame them for feeling overwhelmed or fucking up or whatever. But that doesn't stop me from feeling like I have completely fucked up entirely when I have to ask. Yeah-- double standards are a bitch.
Anyway-- today, after having my schedule floating around in my head for… well, six years? Yeah-- six years I've been writing and setting my own schedule and keeping it *points at head* all up here, and today I finally lost it. The stress of writing one book for four months--and worrying about that book paying off and worrying about my other projects and worrying about when my stuff is coming out and promoting it etc, and I hyperventilated on my agent.
She made me start a google.doc schedule, which, I know, for some people they're like, "Uh… so what? Use it all the time?"
I'm like, "I don't know if I can get into this schedule again. It scares me. And what do I do with it once I have it?"
But for some reason, it makes me feel better, and I'm going to go with that. Help, I has asked for it. The response has been, "Okay, sweetie, maybe we don't keep this all in your head. that's a start."
Anyway-- I did that, then went and got the kids, then came back and needed some zen. I mean, serious comfort brain food.
I broke out the boys.
These are two newer videos with two of my favorite songs, and I give them to you. Because they made me happy and for no other thematically connective reason than that.
But if you want to catch Amy being slightly wittier and a little more coherent-- do check THIS BLOG OUT, because it's about me and beet porridge, and hopefully mildly amusing!