Okay, watch the video first. Seriously. It's crucial to the whole rest of the post.
Did you hear that? He said that children lied their heads off! He said "I was dead at the time! I was on the moon! With Steve!" So now we know who it was that made your children do that awful thing--smack their sisters, kick the dog, break the tchotchkes-- all of it! We have a scapegoat!
All you need is a Steve.
Ladies and gentleman (one, at the least!)
Now, I confess, I had a certain agenda when we went to the Pet Smart kitten adoption with their crazy zealot people (Okay--sweet--terribly sweet, but when Chicken confessed that we let her cat Gordie go outside, the poor woman burst into ACTUAL TEARS for fear of her poor baby's life. Nice, but like I said, uhm, a little bit cat crazy) and their claustrophobic adoption set up. (No room. And people keep trying to get by in order to buy their dog food. The NERVE!) Anyway.
I was going in there for a Steve.
Chicken, Big T and I had been throwing this quote back and forth for weeks--that, and this movie character right here--
Pretty much cemented the deal.
We needed a special kind of cat. We needed a cat who could knock over the food, get the dog to eat it, and then set the dog up to get yelled at for playing in the trash. We needed a cat who would pounce on our faces at night and then be gone before we could do more than sit up and wonder "Whathefwa?" We needed a cat who could hump a ball of yarn into wool spaghetti, then blame it on the kids and make that charge stick.
Regardless of gender, regardless of color, regardless of age, we needed a Steve.
We think she's perfect. Welcome to the family, Steve--we promised your former owner who is nuts that we wouldn't let you outside.