Green's Hill-Amy Lane's Home - News

Thursday, October 3, 2019

But Officer...

"Now ma'am, try explaining it one more time."

"Well, let's see-- it was just such a busy day. I was running around, getting the car looked at, getting batteries for the remotes, shopping, picking up kids..."

"Now you say you were shopping?"

"Yes sir--it's been a while. I mean, we had frozen food, but sometimes you need sandwich fixings and fresh fruits and veggies--and snacks... oh God... the snacks..."

"So about the snacks--"

"But there were vegetables! And meat! And good things! I swear there were healthy choices there--"

"Just the snacks, ma'am."

"Okay, fine. So, I bought snack food. Not too much, you know. I mean, look at me--I want the kids to eat better than I did when I was in college. And after. And when I was pregnant. And after. And now. So I bought snack food, but, limited quantities, right?"

"So, chips, cookies, ice cream--any of that?"


"Which was it, ma'am, chips, cookies, or ice cream?"

"I said yes! They're teenagers, man! They can't live on vegetables alone!"

"Okay, okay-- calm down. So you bought a bunch of junk food--"

"I said there were vegetables, dammit!"

"But back to the snacks-- what happened there?"

"Well, I was asleep, mind you. We got home from school, and I went down for a nap, and then I woke up to take the kids to dance lessons, and it was then that I noticed..."

"Noticed what?"

"Well first my son--he was eating a bag of pepperoni--"

"Snacking on pepperoni--"

"He ate the whole bag!"

"Well, is he growing, Ma'am?"

"God, probably. But he also ate a bag of cookies, and some chips, and his sister ate the rest of a bag of chips, and then when we got back with takeout he ate the rest of the chips... Oh God. Oh God--the horror, man! The inhumanity!"

"So, ma'am, let's get this straight-- you were robbed?"

"No! Worse! I was NOSHED!"

"Well, ma'am, like you said, they're teenagers..."

"We have a four day weekend coming up!"

"Well, I suggest you stop at the store!"

*breaks into open sobbing*

"Ma'am, I hate to ask, but is that bag of chips--"

*waves him on* "Go ahead. Eat. I don't care anymore. We can sell the cat."

"That's mighty generous of you ma'am--and look! Coke zero!"

"Yeah, yeah yeah..."

--Noshing. Don't let it happen to you.

No comments: