I'm not naming names...
By the way-- that photo?
Well, the camera takes those little second-long photos, so there's about 10-15 frames per picture. I took about ten pictures, and that was THE ONLY FRAME in the whole mess that had her looking at the camera.
It's because she was about to jump on me.
Anyway-- she looks lovely, we can see her eyes, and her features are a tad more... Chihuahua-ish? Does that make sense? I mean her little snout is SO too short to nip, but she does love to snorggle, and her eyes are very much like Gibby's and Johnnie's here.
Anyway-- she's cute. Little trash panda is gonna be four years old this summer, and I adore her so much I can't stand it.
So, that was sort of my day--alternatively titled, "the day that got away". I went for a walk, took the dog to the groomers, went to the grocery store, picked the dog up, took a nap, fixed dinner...
God. So mundane it bores me to type it, but it somehow still meant I skipped the pool and didn't get to write. Yeeeesh!
So-- had a thought today.
Was watching Moana, the end, where Moana gives the goddess back her heart, and I almost broke into sobs. Because the news has me like a hateful lava monster these days, and I'm wondering, who's going to give me back MY heart? It feels like it's been stolen in the effort to stay active, to keep caring to NOT pretend that my country falling into fascism is normal.
And then, we watched a comedienne named Hannah Gadsby perform Nanette. The show was gorgeous. Stunning. Amazing. But it wasn't really comedy. There were some very funny parts, yes--but the ending was about why Hannah was angry, and why she was going to stop doing standup because telling your life in a punchline freezes you in anger, and you never got to heal that way.
It's on Netflix, and it's SO worth watching, but the takeaway here for me is that I don't serve anybody this angry. I can't write this angry. I'm not an effective mother this angry. I've given the money we can afford to RAICES to help families legally, and I'm hoping we can make it to a demonstration on Saturday--if we make it to one, this one should be it.
And I'm doing my best to live my life right--again, with all the kindness I know how to do, and all the activism I can manage and still stay sane.
Still angry-- but now I've got Hannah's wonderful thoughts about doing something about the anger, working it through, and not just shouting it to the heavens.
It feels like I've got my heart again.
But seriously-- one person jumps my shit and tries to tell me it's okay to put little kids in cages in a deserted Wal_Mart and I'm going hot-lava-bitch on their ass.