Green's Hill-Amy Lane's Home - News

Friday, April 11, 2008

A Tale of Two Y-Chromosomes

The Cave Troll and Ladybug went to the doctor's yesterday for their regular check-ups (and shots) and now I'm being punished.

Okay, let me back up.

To start with, the Cave Troll who has been acting punky enough that I've taken his temperature at least once a day and gotten nothing on the results, apparently had a mild ear infection--for over a week. I'm very angry over this--I mean, really--fucking thermometer--the NERVE!!!

Anyway, back to me being punished.

I got home from work and had the following conversation with my husband, who was the one who took the kids in to the doctors.

Mate: Yeah, we went to MacDonalds, and they got shots--he got a lot of shots, he's so good, he didn't cry at all. She barely whined. All she wanted to do was see what he was doing. She kept her hands to herself, and she just leaned in and watched as he got his vision test...Did you see the cars crash for the hearing test, Cave Troll? Was that neat?

Cave Troll: We went to Mac-don-alds, and I climbed. And Ladybug climbed. And we played and I got nuggets. And I need medicine.

Mate: Oh yeah, he has an ear infection--I know you've been taking his temperature forever, and it turns out he's had it for a week--his ear vibration flatlined, and when he didn't raise his hand to his ear quick enough the cars crashed.

Cave Troll: And the cars CRASHED. BOOM! And I told them, and they stopped it and they went boom! And I got a shot, and it hurt!

Mate: And the (he checks the house to make sure the older kids aren't listening) Q-U-A-C-K said that he needs to be tested for speech impairment.

Me: Why?

Mate: Well, she asked me if he told stories, and I said "No."

Cave Troll: And I got stickers, and I looked at things, and I had chocolate milk...

Me: Are you shitting me?

Mate: You know I don't like to talk!

Me: You are shitting me.

Cave Troll: And I climbed...and then we took a nap.


You have GOT to be shitting me.

And on the school front--the lab tech finally came and took the useless computers out of my room. I had told my students that these computers were VIRGINS and were to remain UNTOUCHED. After that my 5th period and I had a continual conversation as to the state of technological virginity that the computers were in.

"Have they been violated Ms. Lane?"

"Nah...they've just been fiddled with."

"Are they still virgins Ms. Lane?"

"Well nothing's been inserted into their hard drives!"

So, finally, the 'girls' were gone.

"Where'd they go, Ms. Lane?"

"Well, it was a computer lab--I guess it was like a technology brothel..."

"And when they get too old to use they'll go to the old Ho's home?"

Absolutely. So I guess, now, instead of a computer recycling plant, we'll call it the Old Hoe's Home for Technology.

Good Night everybody!!!

7 comments:

KnitTech said...

Virgin computers. HA!

NeedleTart said...

I was once told that Elder Son would never speak Hebrew correctly because he had a speech defect. This diagnosis came from a Rabbi. Yeah, "D'var Torah and diagnoses a specialty". Moron.
Love the virgin computers. What I miss being in Elementary school.
BTW, I posted.

Sora said...

The computer joke cracked me up! Hilarious!

TinkingBell said...

Speech problem - no that would be Mate's Hearing Problem!!!(Did he have a boy look for stuff too?)

Em said...

Doctors are a funny lot, aren't they? I've always wondered how much time they need to really, competently diagnose something like speech or developmental issues. What do you do if your kid's just shy? Or quiet? Or is really freakin angry you took him/her/beastlydemonfromhell to the doctor's?

I laughed so hard at the image of virgin computers. I wish any of my high school teachers had been comfortable enough to goof around about something like that.

Galad said...

Hope the Cave Troll gets over his ear infection soon!

Roxie said...

You just crack me UP! DH is trying to catch a few more zzzzs, and I'm in here, howling like a hyena with her foot in barbed wire. A technological brothel indeed.

Does Cave Troll tell stories? MATE is the one with a speech impediment!! Swear to God - men and doctors!

Love your input on "Think Good Thoughts." Warmed the cockles of my heart.