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Friday, November 2, 2007

Mean Assed Scorpio Moon...

I have to thank Coach Susan for that appelation, by the way--thinking in those terms has actually really helped me through the last couple of weeks...

The kids making me feel useless? There is a mean-assed scorpio moon moving through Libra--it will pass.

Fucking prickweenie is screwing with me and the school district is peppering me with inane bullshit? Fucking mean assed scorpio moon...it passes, they;ll forget my name.

I realize that I"m spending more time digging through clean laundry than with my little people? That mean-assed scorpio moon again...I will have time to fold again when it passes.

My eyes are too burnt-pit tired to edit Bitter Moon at night? Too many meetings after school to write that scene from B-Moon II that (no shit!) I've been waiting a year and a half to write? That mean-assed scorpio moon passes, and I will get a chance to nap.

The kids get a hold of my glasses and the *&^%*&^&*&^%$$#%kitten shreds my hose on my way to my friends mother's funeral? Yeah. It figures. Fucking moon again...

And as much of a cop-out as it may seem to blame everything on the mean-assed scorpio moon, the fact is that it's really just a poetic way to voice what I have always believed: If you can buckle down and endure for a while, eventually, you will be able to thrive.

I don't talk about my amazon sales anymore--it took a while to learn, but finally no one knows better than I do how truly meaningless those dumb assed numbers really are--although that doesn't stop me from checking them at least four times a day. (narcissist much, Amy Lane? No thanks, I just was one...) I was just in a mean-assed scorpio slump there--the two sequels slid down to the 500,000--they're NEVER that low. And I just cut my check-the-numbers addiction to twice a day, and...

And they just jumped up. And as superstitious as I am, and as much as I dread seeing my friend through her mom's funeral (there's a lot of us there--really I'll just be a face of support, but it means a lot to me that I can be there for her...) I'm taking this as a sign. Maybe it's desperate--I just said the numbers were meaningless--but I've been looking for a sign, and after I got the call about her mom, well, I've been looking for a sign for her as well. My friend has had some seriously hard times in the last few months--but she also married an awesome guy who makes fuckhead her ex look like...well, fuckhead the ex and nothing more important than that. My friend is neither superstitious nor optimistic--she doesn't look for signs in the universe and she doesn't think anyone up there is looking out for her. But I am superstitious. I do have faith. And I figure, that if my mean-assked scorpio moon can lighten up for something trivial and stupid, like book sales or freaky-assed felines with a crap sense of timing, or...or, well a morning to hold my children like I haven't been able to in a while, well...maybe whatever cosmic force has been spiking her Dr. Pepper of life with Draino will also lighten the fuck up and let her enjoy her new life and her new husband and her family.

She's strong. She can endure. And I"m superstitious enough to hope for both of us. So maybe, for both of us, this mean assed-scorpio moon will eventually pass.

4 comments:

Donna Lee said...

Thank goodness that we can be there for friends, whether we are alone or just a face. She'll remember and it will be important. And even mean assed scorpio moons eventually pass....

TinkingBell said...

And obviously a retrograde something or other! All things pass - but theswine always takes at least a week of my time!

Roxie said...

Hunker down, endure, and appreciate the good that you DO have. Warm, dry place to sleep. Enough food for you and your family. No one shooting at you or blowing themselves up in your grocery store. Kids who love you (with good cause.) Friends who love you (with good cause.)A mate who loves you (with good cause.) My Gosh, you are a lucky, lucky woman!! And your kind heart has enough goodness left over to go support your friend. Funerals are important for the survivors. You are a good woman.

NeedleTart said...

Be there for your friend. Even six(shit, really?) years since the funeral, I am amazed and touched by all the people who came out for Mom's. (And by the way, I wore black for two straight years, went to services for three years to say Kaddish and have finally reached a place where I can remember Mom and Dad without crying. Well, mostly. She'll get through. My thoughts are with her, too.)