Green's Hill-Amy Lane's Home - News

Monday, January 28, 2019

Things Heard in My House Today

Mate: I am surrounded by dogs.

Me: They're like big furry fireflies. It must be magical to be you.

Mate: So magical.

*  *  *

Squish, barging into the bathroom by mistake. I am there, and so is Steve the cat, and Geoffie and Gibbs, the smollest of smol dogs. 

"Oh. Sorry."  *looks at all the animals*  "I didn't realize it was a party."

*  *  *  

Mate: Did you get your coffee?

Me: Well, that depends on what you want to call it.

Mate: Looks like rat poison.

Me: That's what I call it.

*  * *  

Mate is moving  our old box springs out of our room, because we have bought new ones. 

Mate: Do you hear that?

Me: What is that ungodly racket?

Mate: That's the broken coils in the middle of the springs!

Me: Weren't those supposed to be nine inch box springs?

Mate: Yup.

Me: What are they now?

Mate: About six and a half.

Me: Aint that always the way.

*  * *

Mate, after my nap: So, how was the bed? 

Me: It was amazing. I woke up in the same place I went to sleep.

Kids: Didn't you do that before?

Mate: No. Going to bed was a game of Broken Mattress: Tokyo Drift.

Kids: So you don't drift anymore?

Me: We'll have to see tonight. If I get to bed and he's still on his side of the bed, it was all the box springs. If I get to bed and he's in the middle, it's all him.

*  *  *  

And finally...

Squish: Mom!

Me: What!

Squish: The dogs! They can't jump on the bed anymore! They have to vault off the clothes!

Mate: *rubs hands together* Excellent... now all I have to do is finish folding clothes and my plan is complete....

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