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Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Sky Sperm

Okay, so I was walking from my car this morning and I felt a drop on my face.  I looked up to see if I'd been targeted by a seagull and while there was no such offending animal, I looked up into the sky and saw?  I don't know.  The sky was this gorgeous Autumn blue-- you know that color that's so deep in October it's like the exact shade of a good man's soul?  Anyway, floating across it was... I'm not sure.  Giant spiderwebs?  Nylon fake spiderwebs released at three-thousand feet?  Something.  Something white and floaty and dreamy, but moving with purpose on a wind current with a focus like an arrow.  No pictures--because I had to wear my sunglasses to see it and I was pretty sure it was beyond the camera phone--but, it was sort of surreal, and very pretty.  Random sky sperm, I guess, just waiting for my attention.

So, anyway, I've been in a situation where my integrity is being questioned.  When I've relayed some of these questions to friends and loved ones, the universal response from them has been, "Do these people even KNOW YOU?"  My response has been, "Uhm, no.  Not really."  But the result of this questioning is that I have been doing the introspection thing this last week, and have thought that I should compile a list of traits about myself that I know to be true.  Weird thing about Libras-- with us, absolutely nothing is certain.

*  I try with every breath to tell the truth and to acknowledge (at least to myself) when I am not and WHY I am not.

*  I suck at lying--I feel guilty about pretty much everything, so I ALWAYS look guilty, even when I'm not.  Trying to add REAL guilt here (even if it's just about what someone's birthday present is) just does not make for a good poker face.

*  I try to have the best of intentions.

*  But I acknowledge my own pettiness.

*  I believe fiction can change the world.

*  But only if the world is taught how to read it right.

*  I believe that acknowledging our humanity is the only way we have to improve it.

*  I have a rather pixilated and often inappropriate sense of humor.

*  I would like to think of myself as the type of person who speaks out against indignities and injustice. Unfortunately I know that, just like the rest of the world, I am sometimes scared, and these opportunities pass me by.

*  I believe that substance abuse is harmful--but it's also forgivable to an extent.  I also believe I will never really be a substance abuser.  Object lessons from our childhood are not soon forgotten.

*  I believe that sex is part of being human, and denying this only makes it "dirty."  Once we make it "dirty", we make being human "dirty"--and that is inexcusable.

*  I believe that the moments we spend with most people are fleeting--but that they can make an impression.

*  I believe housework is a luxury but creativity is a necessity.

*  I believe in trying to make the world a better place.

*  I believe that everyone is given a different gift to help do this.

*  I believe that if you follow your passion, the money will come.

*  I believe that you NEVER have enough money to get married or have children.  That's why you do it anyway, work hard, and be grateful for your people and not so much for your things.

*  I believe a different version exists of me from day to day.

*  I believe in integrity--but know that it's hard to achieve.

*  This is why I idolize my husband, because his integrity never ever wavers.

*  I believe I am not worthy of all of the wonderful things in my life.

*  But I believe I try my hardest to be so, and maybe the Goddess really does give points for trying.

*  I believe in the God and the Goddess and also Jeff, god of biscuits and his life partner, Ned.  I believe in a higher power, and different facets of a higher power and the idea that if we need a human construct to make that more relatable to our widdo human brains, then that's fine.  As long as we don't try to tell someone else that our construct is more important or more valid than anyone else's, that's fine. Anything beyond that lies madness-- witness the world.

*  I believe that art is humanity's highest achievement.

*  I believe that love is humanity's highest achievement.

*  I believe perseverance is humanity's highest achievement.

*  I believe that music is humanity's highest achievement.

* I believe the most egregious sin is intolerance for benign things.

*  I believe the second most egregious sin is never questioning your own actions or reality.

... and I believe I have to run to water aerobics, so I'm gonna leave this list partially finished.  I'll let you know if I think of anything else next post:-)

5 comments:

Mary Calmes said...

Awesome post and you do deserve all the good things that happen to you. You're a wonderful person and we all love you.:)

Galad said...

Great list of an awesome, complex, warm, creative, humorous person.(That is also not a complete list :-)

Donna Lee said...

What a good post, Amy. Now I'm going to spend all day trying to live up to the example you set every day.

(and I'm following my passion and keep wondering when the money will catch up.....)

KnitTech said...

The waiting is over, go get that life experince!

Roxie said...

You are someone who has earned the appreciation and admiration of a great number of intelligent and caring people. Put THAT in your list and dwell on it!!