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Friday, September 14, 2007

Loose Ends...

Well, I was going to blog about what a giant pit my house is, but Mother of Chaos did it better and first, so I'll leave that alone... I was going to talk about finishing the monkey socks (yay!) but I already pre-bragged a week ago. Thrill gone. I was going to blog about that massive intestinal verm who did a drive by wormshit on donna lee's blog--but she's trying very hard to ignore him as he deserves (and you're so much classier than I am, darling!) that I'm going to allow her to out-class me (an effortless exercise for a beloved sunrise of a person) and only mention intestinal wormshit in passing.

I was going to post the test everyone else is doing--I ended up as a Midnight, which means I'm eccentric, and I'm very proud of that because most of those tests tell me I'm a very beige sort of person and Midnight sounds mysterious and really cool. Unfortunately I still have no idea how to use the Mac--yes. I am that sad. I turn on my computer, check my e-mail, check my blogs, check my amazon.com standings and then write. The end. Do you know this thing takes pictures, and I haven't even figured out how to send them? The learning would take ten minutes...(three times--I am an idiot, after all...) but then, it would be so cool. I have monkey socks to show you? Turn on the computer and show the picture. Have I done it? No.

In fact, if this little wandering day of mental health has proved anything to me, it's that in order to achieve a little mental health and clarity, I need a lot more days trying to achieve it. I spent about an hour cleaning the little kids' room. I need another three hours to make it usable to anyone but little kids who like wading armpit deep in stuffed animals and happy meal toys. I sorted Ladybug's old clothes. I realized there was stuff in that basket from when she was six months old--who does that? I cleaned the floors in the kitchen and living room. You can't tell... they're trashed all over again from little kid incursions.

Anyway. I think it's the end of the book blues... I'm ready to print out my 1st draft, and I seem to remember this from other 1st draft moments... I'm sick of the book--but I'm not ready to let it go. I'm done with it--but I have more shit to add. I'm ready to start the next one--but I want to recover from the last one. It's a very uncomfortable feeling, all in all...it's the sort of feeling that has me wandering from room to room, picking shit up in one room and putting it down in another... all in all it's a good thing Ladybug has melted down once an hour, insisting I sit down with her on my lap. It makes me sure that this day really was for her and her rotten brother. (Yes--they've been grumpy and fractious and sad--and no, one day alone isn't going to take care of them either.) I'm also starting to see the serious toll that my 2nd job has taken on my family. It's enough to make me want to quit--give up writing all together, but sometimes I think I'm like Cory, my heroine. If I don't use my power, I'm going to explode, so I might as well suck it up and use it and deal.

Oh...but I do have a funny/happy moment--sort of. You know those Bertie Botts Many Flavored Beans? Yeah...Ladybug fed me a bacon and earthworm sandwich today. Ssssswwweeeeettt!

And anyway, that's what days like this are for...a lot of napping, some foggy introspection, a chance to check out other people's blogs... (I missed you all so much!) and lots and lots of hugs...

And on those fronts, I'm a success:-)

4 comments:

Donna Lee said...

Some days are filled with loose ends. But I usually find that in the back of my brain, things are percolating away. And the next day I am raring to go on some project or other. Loose ends days are mental down time and boy do you need those sometimes.
And thank you for the compliment. Trying to set a good example for one's children is tough when what you really want to do is rip someone a new one.

Roxie said...

Yep, sounds like post-partum depression to me. You needed the time at home as much as the kidlets did.

Funny, I did a houscleaning yesterday, too. Must be something in the air or the angle of the light or something.

You can NOT stop writing!! You may not, you should not, you musn't. Hang in, dear girl. If this was easy, everyone would do it.

Galad said...

I loved donna lee's comment about days filled with loose ends. They are a time to regroup even when they feel aimless. I always found there is nothing more effective than a cranky little person in need of cuddling to make you slow down and let your body, mind and soul rest. A purring cat also works in a pinch.
The stress of trying to balance writing with all of your other responsibilities must be overwhelming at times. I get the impression though that writing for you is less like working and more like breathing. I wonder if you realize what a gift your give your children by writing. They will carry with them always the importance of using their talents and pursing their dreams. That is a wonderful legacy for any child.

Amy Lane said...

Thanks guys... getting Irrational and Emotinal all over again, just reading your nice comments:-)