So, upon my return home, I have, once again, rediscovered the peace and quiet of an empty house.
And remembered why I had four children in the first place.
Boy, it's lonely here without the short people.
Mate has been working late and consumed with soccer, and although he makes an effort not to neglect me, well, the hole he leaves is noticeable. I don't think Mate realized how noticeable until occurred to him that he hadn't seen Big T for two days running.
"That's okay. He thinks we're getting a divorce."
"What?" Mate asked.
"Well, he keeps saying, 'Has dad left you tonight'? And he says it every time you're gone. I'm this close to saying, 'Yes, and you're getting a new stepmother who's almost your age.'"
Mate snorts. "I don't have the convertible to attract them. Volunteering for soccer is my mid-life crisis."
"Well, if it doesn't involve a sweet young thang and a convertible, by all means keep volunteering."
But, well, with Big T in his room like Grendel, plotting the downfall of the loud, noisy church-singers in the neighborhood (or something-- I don't think its papered with dead bodies yet, but you never know) and me writing… well, it really is a tragedy when the internet goes down and Pandora cuts out. I AM ALONE IN MY OWN HEAD. And it is a bad thing.
So, that being said, I'm looking forward to the kids coming home tomorrow, and even better, my mom has sent pictures, which turn out to be a joy for the entire family.
See-- today, I got the following pictures, with captions:
Caption: We caught a crab.
Caption: And a starfish
Now look! Aren't the pictures adorable? Aren't my children lovely? Isn't it sweet that when asked to wear a sweater she didn't care too much about Squish picked her older sister's old hand-me-down sweater (which, btw, Chicken found in the lost and found in my classroom when I was cleaning it out at the end of the year?)
So, I get these adorable pictures of my spawn, and I am happy.
And then I send them to Chicken, who is trying to do homework, and her response is this:
OMG--What the hell is that expression on ZB's face in the group shot? And how many times did Grandma call Squish by my name in that sweater that I wore for six years?
I cracked up.
I think that expression is "HOLY CRAP IT'S A CRAB." And she ASKED to wear that sweatshirt.
To which Chicken replied:
It was a passive aggressive move to replace me with her--don't trust the innocent cuteness of the expression. IT'S ALL A TRAP.
Sure it is.
And I'm using that picture of Zoomboy as my background for my phone. Look--
Caption: I choose YOU, Safari!
And, well, I couldn't answer for a while. I was laughing until I peed.
Well you should stop sending me pictures that are comedy gold. That picture is going to be around FOREVER.
God, I hope so. I really really hope so, because I'm still laughing.
So this is life home, alone, with only my computer for company. I have to admit, I finished a proofread and two big deal blogposts yesterday-- but no fiction. TODAY I am writing fiction. Oddly enough, that's my job.
The animals are glad I'm back. This is Steve, putting more scars on my shoulders, and I'd show you a picture of the dog, but he's still trying to become my bra, and frankly, any picture of him right now would be a little personal.
And work related-- don't forget-- Beneath the Stain is on pre-sale RIGHT HERE!
And Racing for the Sun is out on audiobook RIGHT HERE!
And Bells of Times Square is on pre-sale RIGHT HERE!
And Amy was a guest blogger for Elisa Rolle RIGHT HERE!
And DON'T forget that *kermit flail* Monday is coming up, writers-- I can only pimp your wares if I get your cover pic, blurb, and buy link in my inbox!