Okay, I've got two deadlines this weekend, and four children who are in the house and need to be entertained. Can she survive? We'll see... we'll definitely see... I have a release on Wednesday (Bolt-Hole, which is available for pre-sale and which I will talk about on Tuesday/Wednesday-- I put up the little header because it looks VERY spring break, and I thought that was fun!) and if you don't hear from me by then? Send someone to my house, STAT, because I've been shanghai'd into watching Teen Wolf reruns on Netflix and have achieved a knitting coma of epic proportions.
Anyway, in the meantime, thought I should share some of the family hilarity, since, you know, all of my fledglings are home, and I am thrilled to the base of my tail feathers. Because things like this happen, mostly:
Zoomboy: Mom! Look at this-- it's an extra special book, because it has episodes four, five, and six in it! They're all together mom!
Me: Yes, that is amazing. I haven't seen anything like that since you bought episodes one, two, and three all in the same book!
Zoomboy: And look, they've got bookmarks with all of the bounty hunters on them! Isn't that amazing? Don't you want me to tell you their names again?
Zoomboy: This one's Greedo, and this one's...
Me, to Mate: I'd say you did this to him, but I don't think one person alone can shoulder the responsibility.
Mate: It takes a nerd village to raise a geek child.
Zoomboy: I'm a gerd, I like sci-fi, and I'm really smart!
Me and Mate: 0.0
We need to get into shape faster. Middle school is coming and we're going to need to catch up.
Zoomboy: Look! The alpacalypse is here!
Me, to random, adorable gymnastics mom: Hey, could you model these fingerless mitts. The friend I'm giving them to has really small hands.
Nice gymnastics mom: I have really small hands. I'm a really small person. It's because I'm Chinese.
I didn't really have a come back to that, but did I mention she's adorable? It deserves repeating.
Me to Mary: I don't know what I'm going to do! This was supposed to be an adorable Christmas story, but it's grown, and it's really more YA than Christmassy.
Mary: Well, submit this one to Harmony Ink (Dreamspinner's Young Adult line) and then write another story for Riptide! (Who sort of contracted this one at the beginning.)
Me: Seriously-- I've been planning to write this story since the very beginning! I've got a queue! I've got deadlines! What, I'm going to pull 25K of OTHER Christmas story out of my ass?
Mary: Yeah! It can be about two guys, see? Evan and Grayson, and they can have this problem with Grayson's two kids and a swimming pool, and a pet, and they can be--
Me: Wait a minute. Is this your story that you're working on right now?
Mary: Yes--but I'm sort of stuck. I'll gladly give it to you so you can finish it.
Me: Go write your story. Seriously.
Mary: You'd do a great job at it!
Me: SO WILL YOU!
Me, to Mate, upon seeing this book: It's awesome to know I'm not the only person going to hell for writing a book.
Mate: Yeah, I really can't figure out if that's blasphemy or religion.
Me: Let's call it blasphemy and buy Zoomboy some legos!
Me to Mate: So, this is Tom Cruise as a rockstar.
Me: I like it. I like it a lot.
Mate: As long as he keeps singing Def Leppard, I'm a fan.
Squish: Yes, I know my socks match, but sometimes I have a better day if they're both the same length.
Squish: Do you want me to read you the funny part of Frog and Toad again? When Sophia read this to the class, we all laughed.
Now, between you and me, I didn't see how funny this was, but apparently it was class A material for first graders.
Chicken: No, I don't want to see The Hobbit again. Quite frankly, I've seen some of that fanfic, and I don't wanna imagine Frodo and Thorin doing that.
Me: Oh for heaven's sake-- skip that fanfic. Jesus, have I taught you nothing.
Chicken: Yeah, but all the Teen Wolf and Johnlock was all read out! All that was left was the porn!
Mate, looking at Chicken's computer: OKay, have you been to any sites that would have popups? Vendors? *drops voice* *looks grim* Porn?
Chicken (to dad): No-- I swear, I haven't clicked any popups or enabled any apps. Or looked at any porn on that computer. (to me, sotto voce) I use my friend's computer for that.
Big T: Mom, if you're going to go shopping, can I at least make your shopping list?
Me: No, you only want to write my shopping list so you'll have less to put away.
Big T: No, that's not true. Well, yeah it is, mostly, but still-- you buy too much stuff!
Big T: Here, Chicken-- let me show you this website. It's awesome. C'mon--c'mon, you'll like it!
Chicken: Did you just slap your thighs like you would to Johnnie?
Big T: Yes, but come here and do it anyway.
Chicken: I don't like games.
Big T: Trust me.
Chicken; I don't like games.
Big T: You'll like this one.
Me (because T is sounding hurt): Go ahead, Chicken--you can play this one with Squish.
And that was two hours ago. They're still playing. Imagine me patting Big T on the head-- Good boy!
And that's about it for the family hook-up-- may all of you enjoy your spring break too! Next post, Bolt-Hole will be out, and I'll chat about that!