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Thursday, May 3, 2007

A few words on Project Monogamy...

It sucks...

Wait, wait, there's more.

It sucks REALLY REALLY REALLY BAD.

I do this every year. Every year I commit projects to students because I want to do it all. And then, once I've JUST ABOUT filled my project roster so that I, if I work very hard and ignore my family, might just finish my commitments by June, I fall completely out of love with the projects I'm working on, get stressed, hate my life and need to START ANOTHER PROJECT in the same, dreadful, urgent way that I NEED TO BREATHE.

But see, I CAN'T! I can't, because I'm COMMITTED. It's like committing to a bad marriage for five years--you know it's going to end, you'll know you regret it (brother, do I regret one of the projects I've committed to--it's for one of the kids in the AP class who has been snide and behind my back all year, and the only reason I committed to it is that I wanted to take the high road and be the better person, but I've got to tell you that the high road is fucking dry, because that's what the HIGH ROAD IS!!!) but, darn it, we're knitters, and we don't back out on a knitting commitment... we knit that baby blanket (longest black hole known to man...) we knit those leg warmers (lion brand Thick & Quick--'nuff said) we knit those socks (their one saving grace is that I picked an ultra cute pattern so I could be proud of them) and we knit those fingerless mitts (I'm dicking with the pattern. I can't knit the same thing twice, even on request. Enough is enough.) And we knit them, and smile, and realize that the high road may be dry, but MacDonald's is making diet coke in the X-Large size now, so we may just survive.

(And then we cast on something with no redeeming social or gift-giving value in the car, because it doesn't count in the car. I'm sure that's an idea that has wrecked many marriages, but this is knitting. We can have rules like that in knitting.)


The Wheels on the Bus (as I remember from my days taking the 10 o'clock Muni in San Francisco

Okay...so I didn't sing the ENTIRE version the Cave Troll:-)


The...wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round, round and round, the wheels on the bus go round and round, all around town...

The driver on the bus goes 'pay your fare...' all around town.

The wino on the bus goes, 'used wine here, put used wine here, all your used wine here' all around town.

The hooker on the bus goes 'up and down, up and down...' all around town.

The yuppie on the bus shouts 'fix my car, fix my car, fix my car...' all around town.

The teacher on the bus goes 'shoulda been a banker, shoulda been a banker, shoulda been a banker..." all around town.

The crackhead on the bus goes, 'eat some horse, gotta eat some horse, gotta eat some horse' all around town...

The horse on the bus goes 'let me off, let me off, let me off...' all around town.

The driver on the bus goes 'Don't shit here! Don't shit here! Don't shit here!...' all around town...

The chicken on the bus goes, 'shoulda took a cab, shoulda took a cab, shoulda took a cab...' all around town.

The mama on the bus goes, 'don't look there, and don't look there, and don't look anywhere,' all over town.

(Just for you, Catie!)
The grad student on the bus goes, 'let me sleep, let me sleep, let me sleep', the grad student on the bus goes, 'one more stop...' all over town...

(For Knittech:-)
The knitter on the bus goes 'click click frog, click click frog, click click frog' all around town...

(For Roxie:-)
The teenager on the bus goes 'dude this sucks, dude this sucks, dude this sucks...' all around town...

The chaos on the bus goes round and round, round and round, round and round, the chaos on the bus goes round and round...

All....over....town...

10 comments:

Catie said...

i like your version of the wheels on the bus

i suggest you add one about "the graduate student on the bus says I need more sleep..."

NeedleTart said...

Laughed out loud!! I started sining Wheels on the Bus on our field trip today. Good thing the kids couldn't hear me over their screaming (Kindergarten). We went to see the baby cows at the dairy. Then The Husband and I went out for dinner. Entree? Veal!!

Amy Lane said...

Just for you, Catie, I went back and added it...

(Needletart, My parents have always kept chickens...the look on my kids faces when they realized what 'fried chicken' was has always been absolutely priceless:-)

Louiz said...

That really should have come with a "coffee warning"!

Must. Remeber. Proper. Words. When. Singing. To. Toddler.

KnitTech said...

One thing about the high road, you don't get that nasty yellow rain falling on your head.

Loved the song: "The knitter on the bus says: "Won't rip back".

Netter said...

I've been in the same committed relationship with Hubby for 12 years, so I can handle monogamy. But this knitting monogamy is a killer. It's a little easier this time around as it's for ME and I can't spend another frigid day in this office without going nuts. LOVE your version of wheels of the bus. We thought we were cute putting people we know on the bus. We always sang the knitter on the bus goes click click click...

Roxie said...

Squeeee! The teen on the bus says "Dude, this sucks."

Amy Lane said...

You guys are awesome--I added your suggestions already!!!

The Lady in Red said...

Best. Song. Ever.

Rae said...

Do you think there's any way I could sing this version and NOT have DD say "shit"?? ;)

I actually guffawed out loud with this one. A big barrel belly laugh that welled up on its own. I would have exploded if I kept it in, and guts would splatter my computer screen and knitting. And we just can't have that now, can we. ;)

bhleut