On being a giant slug...

Well, I called in sick yesterday and today. Yesterday was a doctor's appointment and two very extreme signs from the universe, and today, I've been a giant banana slug--except I understand those things move sometimes.

Yesterday's 'calling in sick' was precipated (as you may have guessed) by the constant low-grade fever with the evening spike of 101.5 or above, and the doctor saw me, said, "let's run some labs" and after an hour wait for the lab and one REALLY uncomfortable blood draw (after four kids, you get to be sort of a conoisseur of these things) I was told, "We'll get back to you..." apparently, tomorrow. Of course, tomorrow will be three days out in a row and I'm just not doing it. I've been dragging my sorry ass to work feeling like crap for two weeks, and I can do it tomorrow while I wait to see what exotic disease is draining me like a freeloading relative. It's probably something stupid, like I'm allergic to my shampoo or something, but I tend to 'dream big' so I've already thought of at least four deadly ailments that are going to take me away before my time. Forgive me if I get maudlin in my own head--I've been writing my own epitaph since I was eight. (Those of you who have read the books, you know exactly what I'm talking about!)

But now to the two extreme signs from the Goddess at large...

I got an ipod for mother's day--bless Mate and the kids, they even bought a bright pink skin to go over it, it's very cool, and not nearly as big as the last one. (Mate told me that when I lose this one, the next one's going to be even smaller until finally I'm just getting the Shuffle...) It's got an inscription on it--From Mate and the Kids, Mother's Day 2007--although (and those of you who watch that show psych may remember this) I half expected the inscription to read, "Don't lose this. Love us." Anyway, I was listening to the i-Pod which was plugged into the car's stereo system on the way to pick up the kids from the babysitters, where they went for the Doc appt. This is important--trust me.

So, after the doc ap, I haven't eaten. It's 1:00 pm and I haven't eaten, and on top of everything else, my body is telling me that food would be really freakin' wonderful to help stave off the 10 ricter scale headache emerging from behind my eyeballs. I stop at a fast food place--by chance, one we don't have too many of around here and ordered. (Long John Silvers, okay? Breaded fish... for some reason I was CRAVING salty breaded fish. No, I don't understand it either.) I get to the window, realize my hands are actually SHAKING I am so hungry/ill and then (oh the freaking horror) I realize that I don't have my fucking wallet. Yes, ladies and gentleman (there may be one out there) I have left my wallet at the lab for the third time in the same building that I had to show them I was who I said I was. And I'm ready to cry--besides being hungry, I am also, now horribly embarrassed and I look greenly up into the eyes of the clerk and see...

The smiling face of a student I had one or two years ago, and she is so happy to see me it is practically rolling off of her in waves. She's thrilled, and she acts as if giving me my food for free is the best thing that's happened to her all week, and I am just weak enough to let her do it.

And as I pull into a parking-spot to eat and to call Kaiser to see if my wallet is still there (it is, another 30 min. of driving to add to that headache, thank you very much) I'm thinking, "That's it--the Goddess is telling me I should teach. Clear as a bell, she's telling me to hang in there because students like Samreen don't come along every day...hold up...what song am I hearing?"

And here's the kicker...because the song I'm hearing from the i-Pod on shuffle mode is Coldplay's Kingdom Come--which I decided right before the ipod got stolen is THE theme song of BITTER MOON. Now, mind you, I can't actually find this song on the i-Pod unless I hit it by accident--it doesn't seem to come through on the album's playlist...I have to listen to both cd's to hear it because I'm an idiot and can't remember whether it's on XY or A Rush Of Blood To The Head. So having this song pop up out of 1800 other choices right when I decide that maybe I should give the writing thing a rest and the teaching thing is apparently my fate forever...

Well, it is, for those of us who are weirdly superstitious, a pretty extreme sign from the universe.

I'm just not sure how to read it.

But I did write a couple of pages today. And slept, a lot. And laughed at the baby, who laughed back. And let Kewyn tickle me. And knit (more of that later...I do knit every day... just not a lot...) And slept.

And wondered...should I live when I awake, which path the Goddess wants me to take...

It is a conundum...