Some Things to Remember About Mom...

*  Don't send her out for donuts and expect her to come back with a measly dozen.

Danger: This movie will GUT you.

*  Don't show her a sad movie and expect her not to cry.

*  Don't leave her alone to work and expect there not to be a nap at some point in time.

*  Don't ask her why she quit cleaning the kitchen table when you were born
, because that gets the whole, "Well, writing," and suddenly you have to evaluate how screwed up mom is and whether or not she's raising you right.

*  Don't ask her to read your tarot unless you're prepared to get her an ice water. I don't ask for silver, but I do ask for ice water.

*  Don't ask her to make a side dish unless you expect it for five-hundred people.

*  Don't show her pictures of her offspring who is far away and not expect her to get all verklempt.

*  Don't torture her favorite characters in your story and expect her to not get very upset.  *glares at Mary Calmes*

*  Don't bitch about doing the dishes when she's fed you.

*  Don't ask her to sit down and watch a movie (or two) because she will flush her entire day down the toilet to chill with her family.