In Which Things Return Somewhat To Normal

Okay-- first of all, I have discovered the ultimate in muggle deception, the zenith in instant gratification yarning, the absolute perfection in homemade gifts to make when you have a reputation for homemade gifts and your family has moved your deadline by five days.

Are you ready for this? It'll blow your minds:

Ladies (and gentlemen-- Eric, Knittech, Tanner, Curmudgeonly Colleague, Mr. Trick, I know you're all hanging on the edge of your seats for this one!) I present to you, the crocheted cotton washcloth.

Okay-- would have been better with pictures, I concede. But I spent two nights making crocheted cotton face cloths, bought some bath stuff that color coordinated, and you'da thought I discovered chocolate.

It was MAGIC. No shit, no shinola, no guilt--I was a rock star. I shall bow now and get ready for my encore. (Cheers, applause, Jensen Ackles throwing his boxer shorts on stage...ooooh, Jensen, you naughty boy, put those back on--Mate watches me knit!)

I know I promised to tell you about my stinking thieving juniors, but I can't. Most of them didn't show up on Friday, my grades are in, and I spent a lovely couple of hours talking to a bunch of my favorite kids without the strain of actually having to TEACH--especially with the shitheads who make all the noise gone--and holy crap, I remembered why I love my job. Merry Christmas to me--high school students can be the bestest best people on planet earth, and that's how I'm going into 2010. (Selective amnesia--it's served me well for eighteen years.)

Of course, the day was not without it's quirky moments. I made what Curmudgeonly Colleague proclaimed "The lamest statement I have made in over fifteen years of acquaintanceship." And then he posted it to our e-mail group. And then Mr. Trick chimed in. And then I asked them sweetly if they liked their candy, and wished them a Merry Christmas. pllllbbbttt... seriously-- like my imploding sense of direction is news to anybody on the planet. Even Ladybug tells me she thinks I got us lost when we're on the way home. (I did not! I'm just taking us to see the lights! BECAUSE YOU ASKED ME TO!)

And today went well. I managed three out of five complete 'bag-o-knitting' gifts, and the three washcloths, and two 'bag-o-knitting' gifts that are more than 3/4 of the way done already... I really am a rockstar! And the little kids got presents (which was an improvement over last year, yes it was!) and in general, my family connected. It was all I could ask. Huzzah!

And of course--because a good day is not a good day without a widdo bit-o-stress: I got my FINAL Promise Rock galleys to proof. I can't even pay someone to proof these--it's like labor and breastfeeding--you absolutely can not shove these duties off on someone else if you have to give birth. But I have until Jan 1, so I'm a little more relaxed. I mean the holidays get stressful, but now I have something to do when I'm sitting in front of the computer, looking dazedly at the mess.

So, this is a little longer than I had planned, but I will leave you with this (and Galad, this should crack you up!)

We got home and we were watching a movie and Mate was watching his beloved Kings (win, for once) and he starts shouting at the television. And then Chicken and I actually heard what he was saying.

He walked into the living room and we looked at him and burst out laughing. "What? What? What's so funny?"

"OH. MY. GOD." I screamed, doing my best 'Mate'. "IT HURTS SO BAD!"

"What?"

"Oh yeah, baby--that's what you said." (It's at this point that Chicken rolled off the couch, she was laughing so hard.)

"I did not."

"Ye... yeh...yeah you did, Dad!"

And then we looked at each other and said it again, "Oh my God! It HURTS SO BAD!!!"

"I swear I didn't say that!"

He did. Big T's a witness too.