Bless me Ward, for I have Sammed.

Okay, once again proof that you can link all things in life to Supernatural, I have to admit that I have pulled a Sam.

For those of you who watch the show, you will understand this--for those of you who have the good sense to avoid this obsession, let me explain.

Sam Winchester is the younger brother. He is dreamy, passive aggressive, and although he tends (or tended) to be the one to find an 'alternative solution' to hurting people (or things) he also likes to go for the flashy ending. He's gotten into more trouble by calling the cops when he should have shot someone, beating someone up in public when he should have done it in private, or taking his gifts and using the easy way out, than his brother Dean has with his big mouth and womanizing. See, Dean likes the idea that he's a hero-- he's devastated when he blows the hero thing after 30 years in hell, he understands that the things he and Sam do will never be remembered, and he's okay with that.

I should have been okay with that. I should have just put out Bitter Moon II and been content with the idea that as far as my gut/heart feeling went, it might not suck. I should have waited patiently for feedback and not tried to go the hero route...but I blew it, and I Sammed.

It started out innocently, really it did.

A discussion started with my slash/romance peeps, and we started to wax nostalgic about a couple of characters who SHOULD have ended up together--but didn't. No, I'm not going to name names--because the thing is, the author who created these characters is absolutely RABID about fanfiction- she refuses to allow it, her lawyers will hunt it down on fanfic sites and kill it dead, and she will brook no discussion about the fate of these two characters ending up together even on her forum. And the fact that these two men ended up with women when it seemed obvious to a whole lot of folks that they were happier with each other has been renounced and denied again and again.

So, anyway, we were having a rather *blush* frank discussion about how that scene might play out, if it was allowed to do so, and suddenly, the dragon--the one who has been sort of fluttering away steadily as I've worked on Rampant--let out a mighty roar.

It took an hour and a half, tops, and suddenly I had eight pages of fanfiction. HOT fanfiction. I mean H.A.W.T. fanfiction. And it needed to be shared. I sent out a quickie attachment to my slash/fic peeps, thinking, hey, my particular friends might read it (the group has over 100 members) but the big name M/M authors aren't going to be pulled out by such a silly little snippet of whatsexhaveyou, right?

Uhm... I got COMPLIMENTS. Compliments from Jourdan Lane, T.A. Chase, Madelynne Ellis and Madeleine Urban (I think--it may have only been one Madeleine/yne), not to mention other good and dear friends on the thread. (Mary, Jen, uhm-hm, talking bout you!)

I was floored.

Because, uhm,

A. I don't feel all that impressive to be getting praise from the rockstars of slashfic,

and, uhm,

B. I ripped open my chest and poured out a hunk of my flesh for a YEAR for Bitter Moon II, and here I was, waiting with my butt-cheeks clenched, hoping that someone out there kind enough to drop all that cash (this is me, apologizing to all of you again, because I'm so embarrassed by the price!!!) might like the book enough to review it, and after a pleasurable (oh yeah, I enjoyed it) hour and a half, here I was, getting just a little bit of glory.

I'd done it. Accidentally, but I'd done it.

I pulled a Sam.

And just like Sam on the show, I'm torn--seriously torn. No, it probably was walking on the dark side to write a bit of forbidden fanfic, but...but..but... it felt so GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD. How am I supposed to spend all my effort being the unsung hero when a little bit of work gets me these kind of results? *dark ecstatic shudder*

Ahem. All better now. Priorities rearranged--and, in fanfic parlance, my redemption is probably all written in the canon anyway. My compliments to the show, I'm hoping that Sam will realize the error of his ways--you all know I've always been a Dean-girl myself:-)