Like a festering boil...

(Okay--random kid cuteness, because no one was on the other computer and I could!)

Now...
First of all-- Waiting-- So far, so good! (ismarah, come... join the dark side...) Seriously, so far, folks have enjoyed WAITING, and I am, well, pleased. Very very pleased. Keep the comments coming--they do give me hope! (And since the iUniverse site is down and I have NO IDEA what my sales have been for the last three months, I'm thinking hope is a good thing!)

Second of all--Overheard in my classroom today:

"Ms. Lane, what's a metaphor?"

"You're a Junior, Grintan (not real name), you should know what a metaphor is."

"I can't find it in the glossary."

"Look at the questions under Jonathan Edwards."

"Who?"

"We spent two weeks reading him. Or rather I spent two weeks reading him while you spent two weeks sitting at your desk, standing on your book and tracking drool."

"Does he tell me what a metaphor is?"

"Are you kidding me that you don't know? It's a comparison between two unlike things. Edwards compared God's wrath to an arrow, thirsty for your blood. He compared our sense of safety to a spiderweb trying to hold back the boulder of death. You remember what a metaphor is now, don't you?"

*The cross-eyed expression of a siamese cat ensues"

"Don't you? Come ON Grintan--I KNOW who your teachers have been--I KNOW they all cover metaphors--and I KNOW they do a bang-up job of it! You MUST know what a metaphor is."

"A...it's a... a..." (his friend whispers) "A companion of two things that are like each other."

"A. Comparison. Of. Two. Unlike. Things."

"But what does it mean?"

"It's a figure of speech. The author compares the thing he's talking about to something imaginary to make you feel the real one emotionally."

"What's imaginary about a spider-web?"

*deep sigh* "Okay, Grintan--if I say the sun rose like a scoop of orange sherbet in a bright blue bowl, what kind of day is that going to be?"

"A yucky one. I hate sherbet."

"WORK with me here!"

"A sticky day?"

"We're talking MOOD here, Grintan!"

"A...a...a...GOOOOOD day?"

"Uh-huh. And if I said the sun rose like a festering boil on a cave troll's stinky ass, what kind of day is it going to be?"

"A fun day? A funny day? An interesting day? An IMAGINARY day?"

"A STINKY DAY!!!!!!!!!!!"

"You don't need to yell!"

"Do you understand now?"

"Understand what?"

"Metaphors."

"I don't get it."

*Bell rings* "Have a festering boil of a day, Grintan..."


*sigh* And THAT'S why I don't talk about school as much as I used to...

Edited to add:

But on the upside, this also happened:

I found a little hermit crab puppet from Monterey Bay Aquarium the other day--three fingers, one for head, two for claws--and I came up with a voice, a weird little personality, charmed the short people, and for the hell of it, brought it to school today.

I pulled it out of my pocket, said a few things as "Louie the Crab", and watched, amused, as the big strong high school students got intrigued and interested by the goofy little puppet.

But the best part is my third period, which seems to be obsessed with my drug-free status in College. And there I was, goofy little puppet talking to the class, and one of them stood up and said, "Oh come ON, Ms. Lane--you can't TELL me you ain't smoking SOMETHING!!!"