Imagine a completely destroyed suburban home, late at night. Mate is working hard on WoW in the living room, I am working hard (don't laugh!) on Bitter Moon II, when suddenly our peace is interrupted by a series of intestinal sounds that would frighten the dog...if she wasn't half deaf and the one emitting them.
Me: "Fucking dog."
Mate: "Why, what's she doing?"
Me: "Trying to jet propel herself across the kitchen floor. She keeps sticking on the kool-aid--it's all that slows her down."
Mate: "Nice."
Dog: plbt...ffft...pblogp.t..splt...ssssssssssstttttttblurpt
Me: "Either that, or she's trying to play the Star Spangled Banner with her ass..."
Mate: "Do you think that would get her on Letterman? Would we get paid for that?"
Dog: ppppppllllllllllllbbbbbbttttttt....ssssssssssssssblrupltlprlpt.sssssssstttttttttttttttfffffffffffffffff
Me: "AND THE HO-ME OF THE BRAVE!!!!!"
Thank you, thank you very much... we'll be here all week!
I had a cat doing that this afternoon except she was sitting on my armrest at the time. Can you say watering eyes?
ReplyDeleteI have to forgive her since it isn't her fault we had to change food and she is 19 years old but her butt could be registered as a lethal weapon!
Hahahahaha!
ReplyDelete(Throws tomatoes and other vegetables) - I keep flashing on the Jester in the Wizard of Id (yes I am that old!)
If the dog's doing it that way it must be the 'Bar Strangled Spanner'!
My gassy bully will often wake herself with a fart and look at Hubby and me like, what was that?
ReplyDeleteSo this woman goes to the doctor and confesses, "I have a terrible problem with wind, but it's silent and odorless. Is there anything I can do?"
ReplyDeleteThe doctor gives her some medicine and says, "Come back in a week."
When she returns she says,"What did you give me? My flatulence is a bad as ever, but now it smells terrible! thank God it's still soundless."
The doctor says, "OK, we've cleared up that sinus infection. Now let's see what we can do for your ears."
You make me laugh out loud!!