I went into the lunch room today, and all of the prickweenie men were whining because it didn't matter how many kids they referred, their classes were just as horrible and the kids didn't seem to be responding to their discipline procedures. It should have made me totally happy and gloaty because:
A. It's not like THEIR hard-ass tactics are working any better than mine.
B. I'm not the only one feeling like I suck and should reconsider another career.
C. I really MUST have a target on my back if I'm not sending kids out and the Grand Royal Prickweenie still hates me.
But I didn't. I didn't feel better--in fact I felt worse. I felt like my job was futile and my efforts were futile, and that I should just go away and let the younger generation take over because my heart was too tired to do this any more. Of course, these feelings were exacerbated by the following things:
A. My i-Pod had just been stolen by my 4th period class.
B. The sweetest, most inoffensive child in my 2nd period class has breast cancer.
C. My 20 year old cousin is being shipped off to boot camp on Monday.
I came home, and Chicken pestered me for the deets of my day. I gave them to her. She apologized. Then I sat on the chair and napped, holding one surprisingly cuddly Ladybug, and a naked 3 year old with really sharp bones in his ass. I don't know why he was naked. He was holding still and watching the Nightmare Before Christmas, and I got a nap, so I didn't question fate. This unorthodox treatment worked--I no longer feel quite so old, quite so tired, quite so useless.
But I am spending my evening working on my submission packet for Bitter Moon. My odds of getting published are probably as good as getting through the school year without calling my Prickweenie 'Dude', but at least I won't feel quite so hopeless as well.
(btw? I'm still knitting. Every day. I've got an big chunk of FO's heading for simultaneous completion. Yes, there will be pictures!)
I'm sending you an incredibly long email--finally--so beware!
ReplyDeleteIf everyone is having the same discipline problems as you are, then clearly, it is not YOUR problem, but a school culture problem...lay it at prickweenie's door, dude. That way YOU don't have to carry it around.
That someone stole your ipod...I so much feel your pain -- it is so discouraging to find that your students can betray you in this way...I'm so sorry. Can you work on their guilt and maybe get it back...explain your hard life or some sad story about how music is helping you 'hold it together' and then someone selfish comes along and steals your peace from you...or some such...its worth a try (though maybe showing any vulnerability is the wrong road...so much depends on the class...) I love ellipses...
Thank god your babies made it all worth it. don't quit - don't give those jerks the satisfaction...
love and thoughts are with you...
m
((hugs))
ReplyDeleteIts almost Friday. And next week is a short week. Oh, that's just my week.
Of course you know that stealing the i-pod had virtually nothing to do with you and everything to do with simple greed. They are not mature enough to realize that taking something means taking it FROM someone.
ReplyDeleteBreast cancer in a high-school girl? Oh Crap! Blessings on her. Does she need a blankie to cuddle her through chemo? Whenever anyone is sick, my first response is to make blankets and shawls.
Thanks be for your two little battery chargers. Sometimes, the best way to comfort someone is just to sit quietly with them. Cats, dogs, and kids understand this instinctively.
*le sigh* I feel so bad for you and really hope that things will cheer up. I was feeling bad for awhile because a minor prickweanie (by your standars minor, by mine - one of the biggest I've ever encountered personally) was making me feel incompetent and a whiner and like I was 10 years younger than I was (in a bad way not a good way - I'm still young enough that I like my age). Then I found out that my whole lab thought he was a prickweanie and that he was treating them all horribly. So now I have mental support. I hope we give you some support and help brighten your day, even just a little bit. If there is anything I can do, be sure to let me know.
ReplyDeleteOh man. I'm so sorry your day sucked like that, all around... There's nothing like hugging a kid to make you feel better. Glad you have two little ones, for the stereo effect.
ReplyDeleteThere's a whole lot of mean-assed Scorpio energy in the air these days with the Sun about to make the jump and Mercury dragging itself backward through the Libra-Scorp hedge. Duck your head and tow the line until the Tribe of Hemorrhoidals retreat back into the assholes from whence they emerged. I'd say it's safe for the exuberantly creative to come back out when Sagittarius comes to the rescue around Thanksgiving time.
ReplyDeleteEven the blogger word verification is hostile: hjosstk
What a crap day - awful about the ipod - I definitely be laying guilt around bigtime!
ReplyDeleteAnd cancer - oh boy! and Boot camp - see - always comes in threes - yours are over for a while. Hug your kids, nap when you can and knit - oh you're doing all that!!- then you, my friend, need wine - and lots of it! (and my security word sounds like a dog vomiting! yrgfk!
What a shitty day. How awful that some kid thought it was ok to steal from you. They should realize that you are one of the good guys and are all that stands between them and the prickweenies of the world. I have a niece who has had a double mastectomy while she was in her (very) early 20's. It just about broke my heart because she is a teacher. I have always had a special place in my heart for this young lady and so far, she is doing well. I hope your young woman does well, too. Good warm blessings are flowing her way.
ReplyDeleteHurray for cuddling kids who make the end of a horrible day a little better. Glad to hear you got a little rest and a better frame of mind.
ReplyDelete