Unnnnnnnnhhhhh...

*** When you realize your son still has three paragraphs of his paper before he gets to go to the King's game.

*** When you realize your kids' reading room with the great couches is named after Ben Carson, a horrible politician and a really awful human being, and your son thinks that's okay because he can separate conjoined twins.


*** When you realize Donald Turnip is STILL IN THE NEWS.

*** When you realize your oldest daughter is using you to whine to, and for no other reason.

*** When the dogs won't let the cat come in and you have to get up ten times to make it happen.

*** when you plan to go swimming tomorrow and realize it's going to be 48 degrees but your body demands it.


*** When you realize you're less than halfway through the hardest part of your son's Star War's hat and it needs to be done by THURSDAY.

*** When you realize you had planned your day around NOT going shopping but both kids need cookies and candy canes for the next day.

*** When you realize the kids haven't practiced dance and they have it tomorrow.

*** When you realize you have to go to bed anyway.

***When you buy a pie for the kids and eat it yourself.

***When the dog leaves a "present" for you next to the dirty laundry.

***When the cat leaves a "present" for you in the shower.

***When you come to the conclusion that there's just not enough time.

* * *

So, when do YOU Tina?

Catching Up

She's SNORING in my EAR. 

*whew*

Well, you guys really seemed to love the Dex and Kane short yesterday, and this makes me really happy. I think I'll do another one this Friday with another couple. I've done Jeremy and Aiden on Amber Kell's blog in November, so maybe not them, but, well, you know-- which couples would you like to see, if I'm going to write a ficlet on Friday?

Let me know!

Also today, I updated my website and added an Amy's Lane-- click HERE for the website update.  Winter Ball is up for presale EVERYWHERE, so feel free to indulge!

Anyway-- I was going to work out today, but I had to get the refrigerator people to come pick up the old refrigerator, and I thought they were coming today. So, I did laundry, updated my website, added my quotes to the Winter Ball page on Amazon, (It's up for presale) and generally spent one of those really productive days that often come at the sacrifice of exercise.

If I hadn't walked a mile, I'd feel REALLY bad about myself, but as it is?

I'm working on a kickass story called Fish out of Water, I signed my contract for The Virgin Manny (previously Tamale Boy and the Spoiled Brat) and Mate and I almost-- that's ALMOST--have Christmas taken care of.

We have the lights up and the tree, and Big T's bday went very nicely.  Dinner at Wong's, a cherry pie from Marie Calendar and Christmas decorating-- how can you lose?

Oh! And the Force Awakens hat is coming along nicely-- I'll show pictures when it's done and not before, because right now it's looking a little big for Zoomboy's little noggin. That's okay-- hopefully, he'll grow.

But if you look above, you'll see my usual working conditions.  I didn't capture the other dog in my shirt, but, well, this one's bad enough.

And she really is snoring in my ear.

Santa Turtle With a Flower

Aherm. You all asked for it. That's all I've got to say.  Oh! And every time I typed "Dex" my damned computer tried to make it "Sex"-- I think I out-Dexed autocorrect eventually, but if you see "Sex said," or "Sex and Kane exchanged glances" know it was the damned program and NOT me! Swear!

* *  *

"Ka--Carlos, quit playing with the manipulatives." 

Kane didn't even look up at him. "If they didn't want us to play with the toys, they shouldna left them here for us to play with," he mumbled. He'd gotten into the bucket of math toys and was making patterns out of the colored stackable blocks.  

"We're trying to look like parents here," Dex hissed. God. They were in a teacher's classroom. Frances was going to pre-school now, the kind where they trained you for Kindergarten. She'd been coming home all happy and excited about learning, and suddenly they'd gotten the note. The note that said their kid had said something inappropriate and now they were in trouble. So here they were, two weeks before Christmas, looking around the classroom like it was worse than a pit of snakes.

Kane probably would have preferred the pit of snakes. 

At the moment, Mrs. Richards, a tiny--as in, sub-5-foot-- woman, was talking soberly to a giantess about no sugary drinks in the lunch, and Dex was trying to remember what Frances had been eating for the past two months.

"What'd you put in her lunch yesterday?" he asked, because Kane had been in charge of dropping off. 

Kane looked up at him blankly. "Bologna, cheese, mayo, wheat bread, apple slices, one cookie and a quarter for milk," he recited. "Why?"

"Well, it's not that." Dex barely refrained from tapping his toes. Dammit-- that note could have been a little more forthcoming.

Little Mrs. Richards said goodbye to the giantess, who lumbered away in what Dex could sympathetically see was mortification.  The tiny teacher--in her fifties, with dyed reddish hair and bright brown eyes--grabbed a folder from the desk and came to sit down at the child's desk where Dex and Kane were sitting with their knees up to their chins.

"How are you all?" she said. "We're Frances Nuno's guardians?"

Dex pushed himself up off the tiny little chair behind him, and bent down to shake her hand. God. Four-foot-nine, maybe. He'd never in his life "loomed" over anyone at the same time he'd been made to feel uncomfortable.

"Hi, ma'am, I'm David Worrall. This is my husband, Carlos Ramirez, we're Frances's uncles."

Woman didn't even blink.  "So lovely to meet you. Do sit down." She winked. "Or, remain sitting, Mr. Ramirez." 

Kane looked up from the blocks and said, "Look, Dex, when you do your times tables in color, it makes a pattern."

Dex blinked. Well, he was right, it did. "That's great," he said sincerely, because he loved watching Kane discover stuff that he'd missed when he'd been small.  There was a wonder on his square jawed face, a purity of heart. It was why he had so much fun playing learning games with Frances. "Kane, uh, Carlos, this is Mrs. Richards. Mrs. Richards, this is Mr. Ramirez."

That made her blink. "Oh-- that makes sense," she said, nodding. "Frances calls you Uncle Dex and Uncle Kane. I didn't realize they were nicknames-- I thought your extended family must be quite large."

Oh shit. Dex swallowed. "Well, uh, yeah." Great. They had a four year old girl calling them by their porn names. They were going to hell.

"So, is one of you named John or Galen or Chase or Tommy?" she asked, still smiling.

Dex shook his head. "No--those are... well, friends. I mean, John's my boss, uh, Galen's his boyfriend.  And Kane's, uh, Carlos's, I mean, you know, Kane's. But... you know. Family."

She nodded. "Oh, of course, I understand. And Uncle Ethan and Uncle Jonah--"

"Also friends," Dex confirmed. "Ethan provided daycare for her for part of last year."

"Yes, I got that impression. She was not happy to leave the babies--I haven't figured out whose they are, but I gathered she only got a couple of months with them."

"We visit," Kane said, voice wounded, and it was time for Dex to intervene.

"Yes-- well, uhm, besides family, was their any other reason for the conference?"

Mrs. Richards gave him a professional smile. "Well, first of all, Frances is very bright. I know you were worried about her language acquisition because she'd been sick as an infant, but she's catching up phenomenally. She says that her Uncle Kane helps her at night, and that he pretends he's not very good at reading to let her help."

Dex and Kane met gazes and Kane grimaced. He'd actually gotten to high school reading level this year, but he still had problems with some words he hadn't been able to pronounce when he'd been small with a cleft palate. Some sort of mental block. 

"Kane's wonderful with her," Dex said softly. "They're really good together." 

The little hobbit or pixy or gnome or whatever smiled. "That's so good to hear. And I understand that not everybody's family situation is usual or the same. But... well, I just have some concerns about her basic knowledge of animals."

Dex straightened, his eyes going big. "Animals?"

To his left, Kane said, "Uh-oh."

That tiny smiled in the wrinkling face became decidedly uncomfortable. "So, Mr. Worrall, we asked the children to tell us a story about animals, and to draw us a picture."

Dex said, "Uh-oh."

Kane said, "Oh my God."

She pulled out the drawing--very colorfully done, in five kinds of crayon. 

"Could you gentlemen explain what this is?"

Dex said "Oh Dear Lord."

Kane said, "I had no idea she saw that."

Mrs. Richards said, "Yes, but what is it? She kept calling it a flower. She said that when the turtle saw his favorite snake, Tomas, he brought it flowers."

"Aw," said Kane. "Isn't that sweet? She thinks the turtle's courting!"

Dex stared a him. "Courting."

"Yeah! Like when I bring you cookies because I fucked something up and I don't want you to be mad."

"You bring me..."

Kane chuckled, the sound disproportionately low and sexy in this child's classroom full of colored paper projects, bright fuzzy yarn, and manipulative toys. "Flowers, Dexter. Get it? Flowers?"

Dex said, "Oh my God."

"So... the turtle does have a flower?" Mrs. Richards asked uncomfortably.

"Well," Dex said, "Uh, all turtles have flowers. All, uh, boy turtles have flowers."

"Oh my God," Said Mrs. Richards.

"Yeah, uh..." Dex looked over his shoulder at Kane, who sort of shrugged. "See... this turtle here is a box turtle. And we usually keep him and his... uh, buddy, outside in a brick tank under the tree. But it's been really stormy lately, and their tanks a little flooded, and they like a little water, but you don't want them to get too cold, you know?"

"So you bring them inside."

"Yeah," Kane said, nodding. "And we have to put them in their old tank, but, you know, turtles get big, and then they break your house!"

"So, the turtles got out?" Mrs. Richards said, sounding a little stunned.

"Yeah," Dex nodded, grateful she seemed to be getting it. "And one of them we could keep in the bathtub.  But the other one kept getting out--"

"He got sort of a hard-o...uh, crush, on my snake," Kane said seriously. 

"Your snake-- so, that's Tomas?"  Like she was making sure.

Dex nodded. "Yeah-- which is sort of fruitless--"

"Tomas is sort of in love with Dex," Kane said, chuckling. "It's not even funny-- that snake fell in love the first time he escaped and found Dex's, uh..."

"Leg," Dex said darkly. Whenever Kane left Tomas out, that animal had an uncanny ability to find Dex's balls. It was like a superpower. 

"Yeah," Kane smirked. "Uh, leg. But this turtle, he's got a crush, and so every day when we leave, he escapes the bathtub and crashes--"

"He broke the door!" Dex said, outraged. "Like, pushed the door so hard it busted the little lock. That fu...uh, animal is breaking my house!"

"Yeah," Kane agreed. "Sorry, Dexter. We should give him to Chase and Tommy-- they've got a big heated terrarium in the baby's room. Anyway-- so we get home the other day, and, well, the damned turtle is, uh..."

"Courting," Mrs. Richards supplied, her eyes big.

Dex nodded. "Courting. He's, uh, courting the snake. Against the glass side of the terrarium."

Dex had actually worried that the terrarium would crack, and then the turtle had finished and they'd just needed a shitton of windex.

"With his 'flower.'" Mrs. Richards clarified.

Dex nodded weakly. "It's not really a flower." 

"She gave the turtle a santa hat," the teacher said, her voice as dry as toast.

"I saw that."  Dex tried his best smile. "It looks great."

"She says all santa turtles bring flowers for snakes, and she knows this because Uncle John and Uncle Galen told her that."

"I swear," Kane muttered. "Galen is a sarcastic, snarky sonuva--"

"But apparently, Uncle Galen told her that the snakes usually hid inside the flowers, and now she's very confused."

"He's a lawyer," Dex  told her without blinking. "They've got a very dry sense of humor."

"So I gather," Mrs. Richards said. "What I would like to know, is how we're going to explain flowers and snakes to a four year old girl."

"Just tell her the turtle's in love," Kane said simply. "Turtles bring flowers, men bring... flowers or, you know, sometimes snakes, and that bringing a gift is never a bad thing even if the snake wants another snake."

Mrs. Richards sighed. "Or I could just tell her that turtle is in love, and turtle penises look like flowers, and that all the men she knows are gay."

"That would work," Dex said, nodding helpfully. "But I think she's figured out about all the men she knows."

"Does she know any women?" Mrs. Richards asked.

"Yeah, yeah-- Kelsey helps Ethan and Jonah watch kids. And, uh, she knows you!" Kane could be charming too when he turned on his dimples.

"Well then. Now that I know what that picture is, and we're all on the same page, I think I can let you gentlemen resume your day."

Dex managed to stand up again, and he gave Kane a hand so Kane could leverage up too. "Thank you, ma'am--"

"Uh, Mr. Ramirez?"

"Yes ma'am?"

"You need to leave the manipulatives here."

Kane sighed. "I swear-- kids have all the best fun."

*  *  *

Dex was still reeling in mortification at the end of the day. He and Kane had taken separate cars to the teacher conference because Kane had school that day, and he got home a little late because he'd needed to pick Frances up from Ethan's after he got off work. He'd tried-- in vain-- to explain the turtles with flowers and santa hats debacle to Ethan and Jonah, but those hosers had lost their nut at the part where the turtle had been fucking the terrarium, and so his humiliation at having the teacher call them in for turtle porn remained unassuaged. 

He walked into the house, Frances trailing after him, wondering what he was going to pull out of his ass for dinner, only to be met with the smell of homemade Kane-made pizza cooking, and a variety of things on and next to the kitchen table. 

Next to the kitchen table was a large, trench-shaped terrarium that hugged the dining room wall and took very little space in their soon-to-be-cramped house. It was made of inch-thick fiberglass, and looked like it would hold against the turtle's very determined courtship--at least until spring hit and they could put the turtles back in the brick terrarium outside.

ON the table was a big old vase of real flowers. With a stuffed snake around the vase.

Kane was in the kitchen tossing salad--actual food, this time, although Dex was starting to feel a strong urge to toss Kane's salad for him at bedtime.  

"Hey," he said, smiling at Kane through a sort of hazy joy. 

"Hey, Dexter. You recovered yet?"

Dex shook his head. He and Frances had held the "Turtles in love" discussion in the car on the way home and he was still traumatized. "Nope," he said bleakly. "Still a little..."

Kane grinned and came around the counter. "Frances, bunny, go put your backpack in your room, okay?"

"Okay, Unca Carlos.  Love you!"

"Love you too."

He kissed her on the top of her little head and she skipped off, probably to play with her dolls before dinner.

Then he stood and pulled Dex by the hips until their groins touched. "You sure you're not recovered?"

"We got called in for a teacher's conference because our niece saw turtle porn," Dex said, feeling the embarrassment deeply. "They're gonna take away our parent card for this, Carlos."

Kane laughed gently, and pulled Dex's head so he could whisper in his ear. "Would you like to see my snake, Dexter? Cause it sure would like to explore your flower tonight?"

Reluctantly, Dex smiled. "Sex? Can we call it sex?" he asked plaintively. 

"I'll go you one better, Dexter. You and I will fuck tonight, until neither one of us can see straight. After this afternoon, we're totally due."

Dex kissed him-- he had to. Because snakes and turtles might be destined for unhappy endings, but he and Kane were going to have a happy ending of their own that night, and he was so damned grateful he could cry. 

It's been sort of a week... (And Fanfic Friday will be on Sunday, I swear!)

Okay--

First of all, I WILL write a fanfic this week-- just not today. I had a REALLY busy week, and an edit I needed in, and now I DESPERATELY need to write on my actual WIP.

Anyway--

A couple of fun things before I bail to do just that.

First of all--

Last night was Mate's soccer banquet. After spending an hour in the traditional kids vs. parents game at an indoor venue, we retired to pizza where he gave out little packets with Jamba Juice gift certificates and hackey sacks. He was trying to get the kids to explain to him what the hackey sacks were for.

"So, what do I always tell you guys?"

And the kids shouted out, "Communicate! Mark up! Defense!" and the right answer, "Soft feet!"  (Because the hackey sacks were to practice the soft feet, right?

And then he looks at Zoomboy. "Zoom boy, what do I always tell you?"

Zoomboy thought seriously.  "Don't just stand there?"

I laughed so hard.  THAT'S our kid at soccer-- but maybe it will eventually sink in.

Also--

Squishy's school was awarded a free bike per kid-- it was a very big deal. For months, we've had to fill out paperwork and make plans and all sorts of stuff.  I was terrified I'd forget the date-- Sunday, December 13th.

Which is exactly the date my parents got tickets to take the kids to see a live action presentation of A Christmas Story. 

Dudes. Who wants to be nine and make that sort of choice?  A new bike, or a day out to see a play?  Hmm... lets see lets see...

"Well, I already have a bike, so I'll see A Christmas Story."

No hesitation.

No regrets.

I'm really sort of proud.  Oddly enough, Chicken was like, "So she picked the play, right?"

And I realized that, of all the neuroses and bad house-cleaning genes that I've given my children, Mate and I have also given them a perception of experience over object. We've put off new televisions and new cars for a chance to travel, and have put off remodeling our old, decrepit house for multiple Saturdays at the movies. Sometimes, I'm not sure if this is the way to go--but hearing my kid make the least acquisitive decision-- that was sort of awesome.

I liked that a lot.

P.S.  That, however, doesn't preclude us from each choosing one or two things to HOARD LIKE MAD. For me, it's yarn and books. For Zoomboy it's Legos. For Squish, it's stuffed animals. For Mate and Chicken, it's T-shirts, and for Big T, it's movies. That just hit me. Huh.

And that, and today is Big T's birthday-- Happy 23rd, buddy!  The time goes so fast!

I swear-- fanfic tomorrow. I'll take suggestions, although right now, I'm leaning towards Dex and Kane!

Of Hats and Heathens

Okay-- so three things, and then I'm going to call it a night:

A. Back when I was teaching, I used to walk a mile four or so days a week. It's not a lot, but my job was pretty energy intensive, and it got so I was fat and fast. I could walk across our campus pretty swiftly if I say so myself.  My feet got bad, I lost the teaching job and sat around on my rump feeling sorry for myself, I gained weight, my feet got worse, and aqua was my only hope. Lately, I've been feeling the need to join the world of the land-based mammals.

At first it was just a lap. A quarter of a mile, with dogs. Then it was the long lap, then I added a block, and it was a half a mile, every day, even when I had aqua.  My plan was to go up to a mile on the days I didn't have aqua, so that maybe I could walk quickly again and not feel like covering miles in a hotel during a con was gonna frickin' kill me.

Well, today I walked a mile--the same route I used before. I have to admit, walking it in the daylight helped (there is a post from about six or seven years ago about seeing a gun thrown on the ground by a car near a house of really bad repute) and having the very puzzled dogs with me gave me impetus. (They slept, by the way, when I got back. And I mean SLEPT.)  Anyway-- that's my little victory. If I keep it up for six weeks--or even improve on it--then I'll consider myself one step closer to the territory of the land-mammals. It's not bad.

B. Squish usually, on Thursdays, wakes me up so I can do her hair in the morning. She has to be at school early, so it's easier for Mate to drop her off before Zoomboy, and, hey, sleeping in!

This morning, she forgot.

This afternoon, in school, she had a choir performance at a nearby Ladies Auxiliary.

I picked her up and... well, you can see her.  I flailed, her hair flailed, her father said, "Well, she was wearing her pink hat!" and Squish? Sucked on her candy cane and said, "Yeah. Sorry about that."

And I'm sure the Ladies Auxiliary had a lot to say when her hair left the room.

#momfail

C.  I am actually working on the Force Awakens Hat-- and I'm not sure if ZB knows what I"m working on or not. But he helped my wind the yarn. And I'm midway through the first stripe.

 And spazzing out about the last one.

And really, sort of excited--it's been a long time since I've done something this complex.

Cross fingers, everyone!

10 Things

Okay-- I'll be honest. Throwing my life out on the blog isn't always easy.  After changing my format to six days a week, I've gotten better at the short and sweet story, and hopefully better at saving at least a little bit of cleverness for you all--but some days I am long on "meh" and short on "clever".

Today, I'm thinking, is one of those days.

Hence the list-- if I can think of ten short things that are actually interesting, I will have done my job and can retreat back to editing Selfie and writing Fish Out of Water.  Because sometimes we really are misanthropic hermits who want to huddle in the writing cave and snarl at passers by!

Anyway... ten things... lessee... ten things...

1. I signed my contract for my Dreamspun Desire today. Let it be known that Tamale Boy and the Spoiled Brat will be coming out under a TOTALLY DIFFERENT NAME. No, I don't know why either. But... there is a real possibility that the term "Manny" will be in it, and that there will be more than one.  *laughs*  Heh heh heh... Yeah, I know that got some of you all juicy and squishy and ready to go. Just the word, right? Manny. Hee!!   BTW-- no matter what the name, anything I'm putting out for Dreamspun Desires is automatically code yellow, you know that, right?

2. I keep forgetting to mention that there are "bundles" out there with my name on them. There is the "Amy Lane Lite" bundle, and the "Angsty Orange" bundle, and the "Purple Alternative Universe" bundle. The prices are actually really good-- you get four works for ten dollars, and even if they were all novellas (and there's at least two novels per bundle, I think) that would still be a good price.  So, you know-- if you're new to Amy Lane, these are some places to start!

3. Mate got to go to a concert without me. Big T was supposed to babysit, but he had a school assignment he had to do, so, nope. *sigh* I really did miss electric Christmas this year.

4. Squish is both dancing and singing to "Winter Wonderland". I can't seem to get away from that song.

5. Made bean burritos tonight. I'm really very good at that-- it always surprises me!

6. The other night, friends of Big T's --and of mine-- dropped Big T off after a movie, and came in to chat. For the records, this, my friends, this was the end all and be all of what the dogs had hoped and feared all their lives. Yes, for years they'd been telling me that somebody was going to get me at night. Just as I settle down to work, "Woof! Woof! Woof! Someone's going to get you! Woof!" And they're sure someone is trying to get in. Well, this time, somebody got in. And, even worse, I LET them in. The dogs were astounded. They sat on my lap during our entire conversation and stared at the interlopers, growling. Ambrosia and her friends laughed. "Look at them!" She made the pointing gesture, her eyes to the dogs' eyes and back. And sure enough, those dogs weren't letting those boogie people out of their sight.

It was really sort of hilarious.


7. We're putting Christmas lights up on Saturday, after Squish's indoor soccer meet. Why Saturday?  Well, Monday was shopping for his players and team Mom, Tuesday was a bit of exhaustion, Wednesday was dance lessons and rock concert, Thursday is another indoor game, Friday is the soccer banquet, and Sunday is a school function for Squish and Big T's birthday dinner.

Seriously-- Christmas. Now?

8.  I made a pretty little lacy cap for my friend and editor, Sarah, who is undergoing chemo right now. I should have taken a picture-- it looks just like the sky peeking through the clouds, which I'm hoping is symbolic of her health coming back.  I really love this woman-- I want all the health she can stand.

9.  I'm starting the Force Awakens hat for Zoomboy. I would really like this hat to be done before the movie is out.

10. Finally, I'm only four episodes of Supernatural down instead of seven. Can I just say it's been a rocking season?

*phew* Ten things of moderate interest-- and now, you all should be in bed!

Rainbow Awards

Okay-- so, I WAS going to talk about how Squish dropped a fake plastic spider on me--and as practical jokes go, it was a good one--but the Rainbow Awards happened, and, so, you know.

Change of Subject.

Anyway-- Beneath the Stain won first place in Gay Romance (the William Neale Award for Gay Romantic Fiction), and it tied for first (with K.J. Charles The Casebook of Simon Feximal) for best Gay Book of the year.

Deep of the Sound was 5th runner up in Gay Romance.

The Bells of Times Square was fourth in Historical Gay Romance.

Candy Man/Bitter Taffy (Which was how it was released in paperback) took second in Romantic Comedy.

Immortal's cover was 8th Runner Up (which is more Anne Cain and Elizabeth North's doing than mine, but I love that cover so Imma mention it anyways ;-)

And Immortal and Black John both earned Honorable Mention. (Which meant that at least one person liked each book enough to mention it, which was kind ;-)

Seriously-- this endeavor is tremendous. Elisa Rolle, who runs the awards, is amazing-- she used this as a fundraiser and helped to raise over $17,000 for LGBTQ causes this year, and that's just... very very very good. She puts a lot of time and effort into arranging judges and making sure every book gets a fair shake and an unbiased view-- her work ethic is astounding, and it is a testament to her perseverance and dedication to this genre that these awards happen --and have happened--for the last seven years.

So I'm very proud of my books--I am. I'm so grateful that people liked (or loved :-) them enough to honor them this way. But I am very, very conscious and grateful for Elisa--and the other judges, for that matter--who have made this such an outstanding event.

And yeah-- I have to admit, I got a little Mackey swagger in my hips when I saw my boyz get their due.

Thanks everyone. You all make me proud :-)

*Kermit Flail* December Style!

Wow-- is it DECEMBER already?

Seriously?

Man-- this year. *shakes head*  Don't even get me started!

But I'm sort of excited to end this year with a bang-- I've got some awesome new and new to you authors!  Therese Woodson has graced this feature before, and she looks like she's got a fascinating look at an ordinary man... maybe. Antonia Aquilante of the translating Vulnerable fame has a lovely fantasy out, and Rick R. Reed is doing what he does best-- scaring us silly!  John Inman and Clare London are both charming us and making us laugh, and Elisabeth Staab is breaking our hearts. And OMG-- Rhys Ford's book, Fish Stick Fridays which is doing the pee-pee dance on my Kindle as we speak!   All in all it looks like a great mix-- and I jump into the pimping pool at the end!  (And come out soaking wet and drenched in... holiday cheer!)  Anyway-- I have links here for Winter Ball, Bound Vol. 2, and Selfie-- so I hope you all enjoy the folks who've participated, and I hope you have a holiday season filled with good cheer-- and amazing reads!

An Ordinary Hero

By Therese Woodson

As a paramedic, Ryan Bishop has responded to his fair share of bizarre situations. However, he’s not prepared when he meets Phillip, a local man who keeps popping up to save the day. Everyone lauds Phillip as a hero, but he prefers to stay in the background, going so far as to refuse medical treatment.\

Ryan is intrigued, not only by Phillip’s unassuming manner, but also by his ability to be in the right place at the right time. Ryan wants some answers and maybe even a date. What he gets is an unexpected part in Phillip’s origin story.

Buy at Dreamspinner

The Artist's Masquerade

by Antonia Aquilante

As the first-born son of the Duke of Tournai and cousin to the prince, Cathal has always tried to fulfill his duty to family and country, including following through with an arranged marriage to Velia, cousin to the emperor of Ardunn. But it’s Velia’s companion, Flavia, who fascinates Cathal. Cathal doesn’t know that Flavia is really Flavian, a man masquerading as a woman to escape Ardunn, a restrictive place in which Flavian’s preference for men is forbidden.

Even when Cathal discovers Flavian’s true gender, he cannot fight his attraction to him. Flavian is intrigued by Cathal, but Cathal is still betrothed to Velia, and Flavian worries Cathal is more taken with his feminine illusion than the man beneath it. While both men battle their longings for each other, spies from Ardunn infiltrate the capital, attempting to uncover Tournai’s weaknesses. They are also searching for Flavian, who possesses a magical Talent that allows him to see the truth of a person just by painting their portrait—a skill invaluable to Ardunn’s emperor.

Buy at DSP

Buy at ARe

Scrooge & Barley Inc.

by John Inman

A classic tale takes off in sexy new directions! Poor Mr. Dickens must be twirling in his grave.

When E.B. Scrudge, putz extraordinaire and all-around numbnuts, is visited by his dead ex on Christmas Eve, he can’t imagine how his life could sink any lower. But the three ghostly spirits that come along after are even worse! Good lord, a dyke, a drag queen, and rounding out the trio, a big, hunky bear with nipple rings and a butt plug! What’s next? 

What’s next is a good deal of soul-searching and some hard lessons learned with a dash of redemption thrown in for good measure. 

And love too, believe it or not. Love that had been simmering all along at the heart of Scrudge’s miserable existence, although he was too selfish to see it—until a trio of holiday beasties pointed his sorry ass in the right direction.

Buy at Amazon

The Couple Next Door

By Rick R. Reed

Jeremy Booth leads a simple life, scraping by in the gay neighborhood of Seattle, never letting his lack of material things get him down. But the one thing he really wants—someone to love—seems elusive. Until the couple next door moves in and Jeremy sees the man of his dreams, Shane McCallister, pushed down the stairs by a brute named Cole.

Jeremy would never go after another man’s boyfriend, so he reaches out to Shane in friendship while suppressing his feelings of attraction. But the feeling of something being off only begins with Cole being a hard-fisted bully—it ends with him seeming to be different people at different times. Some days, Cole is the mild-mannered John and then, one night in a bar, he’s the sassy and vivacious drag queen Vera.

So how can Jeremy rescue the man of his dreams from a situation that seems to get crazier and more dangerous by the day? By getting close to the couple next door, Jeremy not only puts a potential love in jeopardy, but eventually his very life.

Buy at DSP

Buy at Amazon

Nice and Snow

by Clare London

An amusing, romantic and magical Christmas short story featuring Nuri and Eddy from A Twist and Two Balls

Nuri’s expecting a quiet Christmas, driving his cab, doing some studying, enjoying good food and drink – and devoting some serious loving to boyfriend Eduardo. Occasionally he misses his homeland of Turkey, but he’s content to share the London celebrations with Eddy.

But what with Eddy’s distress over his new role at the local comedy club, interference in their love life from Nuri’s irrepressible brothers, a disturbing number of costumed Santas on the street, the dangerous slush on the roads, and then the portly, bearded man dressed in red, in need of an urgent cab ride…

It doesn’t look like things will be that quiet after all!

****Meet Nuri and Eddy for the first time, and begin the whole With A Kick series, in A TWIST AND TWO BALLS.

Buy at Amazon

By the Rules

by Elisabeth Staab

He thinks I want him because of the rumors around town. Because I think he’s easy. I want AJ, because he’s AJ.

No liars. No suits. Absolutely no straight guys…

AJ Fabin’s list of rules keep him safe. Since getting kicked out of his parents’ home and attacked by a former escorting client, his rules and his life in the tiny town of Evergreen Grove provide a quiet haven. He may be lonely, and he may stick out like a sore thumb, but the folks like him well enough. When he’s not dodging his old pimp, things are peaceful.

Hayden Price is having a quarter-life crisis. Engaged to a woman he can’t connect to and working a job he secretly hates, he comes to Evergreen Grove to help his mother through a health scare. Returning to his childhood home makes Hayden re-evaluate a lot of things, including himself. When he meets AJ and finds he can’t stand the mouthy jerk—almost as much as he can’t stop thinking about him—he has a lot more to change than his career.

To be together, they’ll both have to break all of their rules.

Pre-order at Amazon 

Pre-Order at ARe 

Fish Stick Fridays

by Rhys Ford

Deacon Reid was born bad to the bone with no intention of changing. A lifetime of law-bending and living on the edge suits him just fine—until his baby sister dies and he finds himself raising her little girl.

Staring down a family history of bad decisions and reaped consequences, Deacon cashes in everything he owns, purchases an auto shop in Half Moon Bay, and takes his niece, Zig, far away from the drug dens and murderous streets they grew up on. Zig deserves a better life than what he had, and Deacon is determined to give it to her.

Lang Harris is stunned when Zig, a little girl in combat boots and a purple tutu, blows into his bookstore, and then he’s left speechless when her uncle, Deacon Reid, walks in hot on her heels. Lang always played it safe, but Deacon tempts him to step over the line… just a little bit.

More than a little bit. And Lang is willing to be tempted.

Unfortunately, Zig isn’t the only bit of chaos dropped into Half Moon Bay. Violence and death strike, leaving Deacon scrambling to fight off a killer before he loses not only Zig but Lang too.

Buy at Amazon

Bound, Vol. 2

Little Goddess|Book Three, Vol. 2

Amy Lane

2nd Edition

Cory’s newly bound family is starting to find its footing, which is a good thing because danger after danger threatens, and Green can't be there nearly as often as he’s needed. As Cory learns to face the challenges of ruling the hill alone, she’s also juggling a menage relationship with three lovers—with mixed results.

But with each new challenge, one lesson becomes crystal clear: she can’t be queen without each of the men who look to her, and the people she loves aren’t safe unless she takes on that queendom with all of the intelligence and courage in her formidable heart.  

But sometimes even intelligence, courage, and steadily increasing magic aren’t enough to do the job, and suddenly the role of Cory’s lovers becomes more crucial than ever. Nobody is strong enough to succeed in every task, and Cory finds that the most painful lesson she and her lovers can learn is not just how to deal with failure. Cory needs to learn that one woman is only so powerful, and she needs to choose wisely who sits outside her circle of family, and who is bound eternally in her heart.

1st Edition published as Bound: The Third Book of the Little Goddess Series by iUniverse, 2007

Pre-Buy at DSPP

Description:

Through a miserable adolescence and a lonely adulthood, Skipper Keith has dreamed of nothing but family. The closest he gets is the rec league soccer team he coaches after work—and his star player and best friend, Richie Scoggins.

One brisk night in late October, a postpractice convo in Richie’s car turns into a sexual encounter neither of them expected—nor want to forget. Soon Skip and Richie are living for the weekends and their winter league soccer games—and the games they enjoy off the field. Through broken noses, holiday decorating, and the killer flu, they learn more about each other than they ever dreamed possible. Every new discovery takes them further beyond the boundaries of the soccer field and into the infinite possibilities of the best relationship of Skipper’s life.

Skipper can’t dream of a better family than Richie—but Richie’s got real family entanglements he can’t shake off. Skipper needs to convince Richie to stay with him beyond winter ball so the relationship they started on the field might become their happy future in real life!

Pre-Buy at Are

Pre-Buy at DSP

Are we missing something? A cover perhaps?  

Check out the exclusive cover reveal on Joyfully Jay on January 5!

Selfie

by Amy Lane

One year ago, actor Connor Montgomery lost the love of his life to a drunk driver. But what’s worse for Connor is what he still has: a lifetime of secrets born of hiding his relationship from the glare of Hollywood. Unable to let go of the world he and Vinnie shared, Connor films a drunken YouTube confession on the anniversary of Vinnie’s death.

Thankfully, the video was silent—a familiar state for Connor—so his secret is still safe. He needs a fresh start, and a new role on the hit TV show Wolf’s Landing might be just that.

The move to Bluewater Bay may also mean a second chance in the form of his studio-assigned assistant. Noah Dakers sees through Connor’s facades more quickly than Connor could imagine. Noah’s quiet strength and sarcastic companionship offers Connor a chance at love that Hollywood’s closet has never allowed. But to accept it, Connor must let Vinnie go and learn to live again.

Pre-Buy at Riptide

Mom! Mom! Mom!

Mom! Mom! Mom! It's morning-- we have to get the kids to school, and then get our coffee and our sausage patty and then go home and get WALKIES!

OH NOES!

There are no kids going to school? We get no rides? No coffee? No sausage patty? NO WALKIES?

You are going to leave us home?

You're going to LEAVE US HOME???

What are you going to do out there in the big wide world, when you leave us home?

A soccer tournament.

Really.

That's why you're leaving us here?

A soccer tournament.

So. You sit. In the cold. And watch the kids play soccer.

We are not impressed.

Especially with the mid-level boy-- ZoomBoy. He can't concentrate long enough to play an entire game. The ref thinks he's autistic. (This is unfortunately true-- the ref asked Mate if that kid spacing out in midfield was autistic--Mate replied, "Nope, he's just mine.")

But Mom-- who will be there that is as interesting as us? There will be NO animals on the field-- there are no dogs allowed.

It's not like you know anyone.  It's not like you've been at soccer for any length of time and have made friends.



So uh... you're going to go... no sausage. *sulk* No coffee. *sigh* No *sob* walkies.

But we're gonna be all over you when you get back in the door. Knitting time? You think so? Oh no. You'll be lucky if you can finish that pink thing for your friend's kid.

We're gonna be all over you like flies on poop.

*yawn*

We will sleep for HOURS.

On you.

There will be restitution. There will be rides. And coffee. And sausage. And WALKIES. All at the end of the rainbow. On Monday.

Leftovers

Hello all-- I have to say, it's fun when you guys lobby for your favorite couples. The lobbying for SuperBat was FIERCE today-- via this link RIGHT HERE  as was the lobby for Cartinski, with some awesome pictures. I'm going with the Cartinski-- and if you had any idea how many times I flipped back and forth, you'd think I'd gone mental.

But Cartinski it is-- hopefully because there will be some rockin' sex in the Cartinski and there would have been angst only in the SuperBat. YAY for rockin' sex.

*  *  *

Derek held tight to the iron rail of the bed, and tried very hard to let Stiles have his way.  

"But this feels good, right?" Stiles had two fingers in the tight and achy place, and his mouth hovered over the engorged and dripping thing, and Derek was going to break his damned bed, he really was.

"Feels. Great."  He spoke through gritted teeth and pressed both feet on the bed as he arched his hips. 

"Mmm...fff..."  Stiles was trying to talk with his mouth full, and Derek whimpered. 

"Fuckin' really?" he begged. 

Stiles released his cock with an audible pop. "Yeah--after this, I think we should totally go over to my dad's house and eat turkey."

Derek's erection started to lose some of it's... erectness. "Stiles, really?"

"Oh! Wait! Let's finish here first!" And then, there was blessed, blessed silence, because Stiles had his mouth full and Derek was coming down his throat. 

And when Stiles rose up to thrust slowly into Derek's body, Derek let go of the bed and pulled him down into a kiss, while they were joined. And then another. And then another. And one more for good measure. that's right, just kiss all the talk right out of him while they fucked, so that way, Stiles would forget the whole leftover plan.

Derek didn't think he could take the smell of sex and turkey for one more meal.

*  *  * 

"Is it good?" John Stilinski asked nervously. "I mean... you know. Is it tasty?"

"Mmmf..."  Carter made a sound of orgasmic completion and chewed rapturously on the pan-fried turkey and dressing sandwich, with cranberry mole` as a spread.  "This," he said after a swallow, "this is the most amazing thing I've ever tasted."

John grinned. "Yeah?" Oh, he was pleased. Stiles used to eat pour Cheetos in the mixing bowl, add milk and call it breakfast cereal. John had been pretty sure he'd picked up some cooking skills since his wife died, but until this holiday season, that had been pure speculation on his part.  And Carter was so appreciative of a home cooked meal, which was decent of him. John understood the cafe at Eureka was the equivalent to a five star restaurant, so when Carter made sexy-yum-yum sounds over a turkey sandwich and potato bombs, John wanted to make sexy-yum-yum sounds over Carter's cock.

"This is seriously good," Carter confirmed, digging in again. John took a bite of his own sandwich and he had to admit-- not half bad. "And I'm so grateful to you for cooking. I will buy anything for you on the way home from work, if only you keep making food like this."

John felt a blush creep up. "Well, not this-- this is sort of holiday special. We need to keep everything else a little healthier, you know?"

Carter shook his head, but yeah, he knew. They were at that age where taking care of themselves was important--and that included taking care of each other by remembering to eat right and exercise.  

"Yeah, John, but that's what holidays are for-- a little bit of decadence, right?"

John smiled shyly, still not able to take the really decadent things they did in the bedroom in stride. "Yeah," he said, trying not to fidget like a teenager. "It's always nice to indulge."

Carter bit neatly, leaving the complete half of his sandwich on his plate. He chewed quickly and swallowed, then leaned near to John and whispered, "There is pumpkin whipped cream in the refrigerator, and I know just what to eat that off of."

John gaped at him, completely T-boned by the suggestion at all. Pumpkin whipped cream? Who made such a... where did Jack want to put it?

Twenty minutes-- it took twenty minutes for that question to be answered to their complete satisfaction, and by the end of it, John was leaning over a kitchen chair with a pillow between his knees and the floor, while Jack thrust manically into his ass.  He buried his face in the chair seat as he came, the mess on his stroking hand a combination of hot spend and the remnants of once-frozen pumpkin flavored whipped cream that he didn't want to think too much about.  Carter took three more thrusts and then cried out, his own spill just as stick and confused as John's. 

Carter collapsed across his back and nuzzled his ear, laughing softly as they recovered.

"That was awesome," John panted. "And the whipped cream was low fat."

"So glad you liked it," Carter purred. He pulled back from John, probably to stand up, and their skin stuck unpleasantly. "But now I think a shower is in order."

"But you haven't finished your sandwich!" John laughed.

They stood up and wiped off-half-heartedly with the T-shirts they'd been wearing before sex broke out over the late dinner John had cooked after Carter's shift had gone long. Carter went in for a sloppy, whip-cream and John sank into him, fake sugar and pretend cream forgotten.  Together they clung, happy and sexed out and full of food. 

"Tell you what," Carter laughed, kissing John's temple. "You go up and start showering, and I'll be up after I clean up down here."

"I get to show--"

"You cooked! Anyway, I'll bring up a plate and we can eat the rest of our sandwiches while we're watching TV in bed. It's almost eleven!"

John grimaced. "that's hardly healthy."

"Indulge me," Carter said, and his eyebrow waggle was wicked enough to prompt John up the stairs.

"Yeah, fine-- just bring extra napkins," he muttered.

"Heh heh heh..."

"You're incorrigible!"

"And you keep feeding me and fucking me as a reward!"

John kept walking up the stairs, naked and happy and more than ready for his shower, thinking about how really glad he was that his son had moved out and that Stiles and Derek weren't due to visit until the next day.

*  *  *

"What's wrong?" Stiles asked.  He was naked, Derek was in their bed, and they were all ready to do the happy thing. "Dad's cooking tonight was great-- someone else cooked and we get to have sex-- why is Mr. Happy sleeping?"

Derek couldn't answer him. "Confused," he said, feeling like the word had been forced out of him. "My dick is so confused." 

God, was it ever. The smells at Stiles dad's place had gone from turkey to sex to something sweet and synthetic mixed with the sex. The jizz on the wall from a few weeks before had turned into turkey sandwich in the bedroom and fake pumpkin spice in the kitchen.

Derek had eaten his own weight in dinner and dessert, and now... when their night was wrapping up into their usual conclusion, Derek's olfactory senses and his sexual senses were...

"Confused," he whimpered.  

Stiles just gazed at him, from between his legs, teasing Derek's softened cock with a single finger.  "Yeah?" he asked, his smile wicked.

"Little bit," he said honestly.

"Well, let's just suck the confusion away," he cracked. And then he proceeded to do just that.